H is improving daily. Great.
H's neck is half recovered. Great.
H's mouth ulcers are on the decline. Great.
Morphine dose slightly reduced. Great.
Awake during day more. Great.
Spots have gone. Great.
Four teaspoons of the blandest soup in the universe eaten. Great.
Laughing at own jokes again. Great.
Reading again. Great.
Weight is stable. Great.
BUT best of all ....................
I can kiss H on…
How naive of me to think I would be able to keep a written record of this awful journey. When did I think I would find the time? Do I want to remember this grim and troubling time? Only heaven knows - I am way too busy living in this moment.
Strangely enough cancer itself hasn't been the main focus over the past weeks, it was always about "getting through" THE treatment. Six long weeks already added onto…
I hate the word "roller coaster". It implies that after a short up and down ride I'm going to get off and return to my normal life.
I would say what I'm going through is more akin to being buried alive. Just occasionally there is a glimpse of light and air but overall it is suffocating and the end result will be too awful for words.
Our eldest son has for over a year saved and planned his trip to the…
I've revisited my blog once more, such harrowing reading it makes. It brings it all back to me, just how intense and suffocating the cancer journey was , resulting in me loosing my darling husband. Five years - in some ways it feels like yesterday but in other aspects it seems like it happened in another life time . I'm so glad I kept the blog though, it reminded me that I did all that I could to help Bryan on his…
Lots of really really sad tears today. Not for any particular reason, but just incredibly sad. I'm just wondering when the tears stop. I'm waiting for them to stop. I'm waiting to stop grieving. I'm waiting to stop feeling hollow. I'm waiting for something to feel truly worthwhile. I wonder when I will stop having that feeling of dread inside when I deliberate my future. Im pushing on as I have no alternative but I feel…
