Sometimes it gets hard

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

3 Dec 2011

Not put my own blog up for a long time as I haven't felt as I had anything to say about myself worthwhile, so have contributed on others.

I try to say positive and happy about things, but sometimes it gets hard, and for once there is no joke or double entendre intended. Just sometimes cancer seems to have the habit of being able to break open a little bit of my defence shield, and it is doing that right now, bastard thing.

I had a CT scan on Monday, my first since my op 10 months ago, a big event in my book, and you will understand that. When will I know the results? No idea, no appointment to see the consultant and couldn't get an answer Friday afternoon, so now the weekend adds to the waiting....

Meanwhile I try to support my friends at work who have cancer, and it gets harder. One lady has breast cancer and is on her 3rd chemo, another has had it come back after 6 years but seems to be winning again. For those two ladies life is tough, and then yesterday the wife of a guy I work with passed away after losing her second fight with breast cancer (first one 10 years ago). I can only imagine the anguish and pain this guy is going through and his 3 children, and then I think of the two ladies who are fighting breast cancer and how this makes them feel.

Lastly a guy in the warehouse went to the GP 6 weeks ago with a pain in his side, and having had gall stones two years ago we all thought that was what it would be. But no, the pain was due to a tumour on his liver and it had taken over 90% of the liver, nothing could be done. He is now jaundiced and losing weight rapidly and just hoping he can make it to Xmas.

I've polished off a few glasses of wine tonight, I don't hit the bottle normally though I do like the odd beer, but tonight is get it out of the system night.

As I drink the last glass tonight, I raise it and drink to Janice who lost her battle. I raise it again and drink to Martin, Lorraine and Jenny... and of course everyone on this site, and with each sip of wine I hope I can take away some of your pain and some of mine.

That's the bad stuff done, sorry if it is badly written, sometimes it's hard, normal service will be resumed shortly.

Tight Lines

Tim xxx

FormerMember over 12 years ago

{{{{{{{{{{TIM}}}}}}}}}}

Hope that venting and the wine has helped you my lovely friend. You spend so much time supporting and helping others - well now it's your turn and I'm sending you massive hugs, tons of love and a kitchen drawer full of spoons.

Hope that you are not kept waiting too long and that the results are good.

Much love,

Nin xxxxx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hello Tim,

Just sending love and (((((((((((( hugs ))))))))))))

Joycee xx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Thank you all ever so much.

I woke up at 6:30am today feeling shattered (I wonder why lol!) and fished a match. I had a lift with a couple of young lads and to be honest it was the best thing that could have happened. Two young lads cock sure of themselves and not a care in the world, well you can imagine the banter.

I will say this, and I think it is really important that I say this. I felt unsure about writing what I did and very nearly never pressed "post". However, now that I have read your comments and I feel so uplifted by them that I am glad I did press that button. It has also taught me how important a response is to a person even if I can't really think of much to say, because each response has touched me.

I will ring the hospital tomorrow and demand at least a date when I get the result.

Thanks again, each and every one of you!

Right where's warped.....

Tight Lines

Tim xxx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

*more hugs*

You are under orders to ask for help and share your feelings exactly as much as you want or need to. I am going to have to trust you on this, as I am already POISED to zoom off and beat up Ems's medical team if need be, so I may not be able to come and loom over your shoulder.

And don't let the hospital off the, well, the hook, really.

xxx
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

What a tough time you are having Tim. Glad you got out fishing, and with a couple of lads who could take your mind off for a few hours! Sorry I didn't get to post earlier....crazy time at crazy towers.......diary empty for weeks then everything happens at once!

Glad you let down your guard and let it all out. Tough Guy stuff is for wimps, and guys are allowed to get upset and cry and rage like the rest of us.......better that then acting the big man, getting depression, or going off into that cave that men like to retreat to! If letting off steam here ensures that you feel better afterwards, and you carry on a balanced relationship with your family, then that's what we are here for! Remember when I talked about this being my special place for letting out my fears etc., well it applies to anyone who needs it!

What a weekend.....Ems with misdiagnosis, you with your friends, and Jan trying to get help for her Dad, Scraton.......

Love to all of you and your families

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

You make a pest of yourself until you get those results. CT don't take that long to process, its just the docs dragging their heels. Offer to collect the results from the CT team and deliver them personally to your doc, if they can't be arsed to sort it themselves!!!
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