Sometimes it gets hard

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

3 Dec 2011

Not put my own blog up for a long time as I haven't felt as I had anything to say about myself worthwhile, so have contributed on others.

I try to say positive and happy about things, but sometimes it gets hard, and for once there is no joke or double entendre intended. Just sometimes cancer seems to have the habit of being able to break open a little bit of my defence shield, and it is doing that right now, bastard thing.

I had a CT scan on Monday, my first since my op 10 months ago, a big event in my book, and you will understand that. When will I know the results? No idea, no appointment to see the consultant and couldn't get an answer Friday afternoon, so now the weekend adds to the waiting....

Meanwhile I try to support my friends at work who have cancer, and it gets harder. One lady has breast cancer and is on her 3rd chemo, another has had it come back after 6 years but seems to be winning again. For those two ladies life is tough, and then yesterday the wife of a guy I work with passed away after losing her second fight with breast cancer (first one 10 years ago). I can only imagine the anguish and pain this guy is going through and his 3 children, and then I think of the two ladies who are fighting breast cancer and how this makes them feel.

Lastly a guy in the warehouse went to the GP 6 weeks ago with a pain in his side, and having had gall stones two years ago we all thought that was what it would be. But no, the pain was due to a tumour on his liver and it had taken over 90% of the liver, nothing could be done. He is now jaundiced and losing weight rapidly and just hoping he can make it to Xmas.

I've polished off a few glasses of wine tonight, I don't hit the bottle normally though I do like the odd beer, but tonight is get it out of the system night.

As I drink the last glass tonight, I raise it and drink to Janice who lost her battle. I raise it again and drink to Martin, Lorraine and Jenny... and of course everyone on this site, and with each sip of wine I hope I can take away some of your pain and some of mine.

That's the bad stuff done, sorry if it is badly written, sometimes it's hard, normal service will be resumed shortly.

Tight Lines

Tim xxx

FormerMember over 13 years ago

*hugs* We all try to be positive, but sometimes it's difficult. xx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hi Tim, just sending you all the hugs. Hilary says they are regenerating so thats allowed. You are such a caring man . on my phone will send more tomorrw xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

No Tim, it's beautifully written and very moving. Sometimes it seems as if almost everyone we know or meet is facing cancer or something equally ghastly. My partner suffers agonies if I cough or even clear my throat, he's so worried about my cancer coming back. A friend of my age is having to cope with her husband's Alzheimer's, which developed very soon after his retirement. He had been a Classics master, but is becoming less able by the day. Another friend is close to a breakdown because of impossible demands on her by her two adult handicapped sons, whose "carers" cost a fortune and don't do the job . And so on ...

Life. It's ... well, you know the rest. I hope the wine's doing its job. Sleep well, & maybe tomorrow will be better.

Love & hugs,

Annie xxx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Tim, it was very touching and heartfelt and I was on the Baileys last night to cope ...

...because cancer is shite !

So, how long do they think before scan results come back? Or is it just a blank until they call you? Why so much waiting?? Anyway, hang in there, they'll soon call and you can vent here every day until then if you need to coz we are all here together holding hands and hearts and swearing and laughing and crying! :)

Have a glass for me too hun.

Much love and warm Welsh cwtchs

xxxxxx
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Cruton over 13 years ago

Hi Tim like you and perhaps others on the site I have lost so many dear ones to cancer and all of my friends have either lost someone to cancer or have had cancer themselves.

I have been a carer for some I have lost and tried to do all I could to support and help them the same with my friends who have had cancer and came through it

I thought I understood how it was for them and it hurt like nothing on earth to lose them or when they where diagnosed and there fight with this awful disease began.

when I was diagnosed myself then I think I truly understood what it was like to be the one with cancer and I think I feel it more acutely than before when I hear of someone battling this horrible disease.

You say it gets harder and I believe you are right I don't know if it is because our own battle makes us tired or the amount of emotion that we invest in those we care about or if it is just too much and to many where does it stop or something else.

You are such a caring person and sometimes trying to absorb some of that pain from others to make things a little better for them can take a lot out of you so have a glass for me wish I could join you

All Good Things

HUGS

Cruton xxxxxxxxxx
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