This blog is looking at how our Community members process the news of a cancer diagnosis. Some mourn and grieve for the life they once knew before being impacted by cancer and some find comfort from having the answers they may have been waiting a long time for. However you are feeling, you're not alone. There's others talking about how they they are coping here on the Community so stay and read this blog to hopefully draw some comfort from these shared experiences.
Do you find yourself mourning for the life before cancer?
The term mourning is usually described as an expression of sorrow and is typically used in the context of someone passing away. When someone dies, you mourn this loss. For some, when they are diagnosed with cancer, it can feel like you have lost a part or version of you. This can leave many experiencing similar feelings of sadness and loss like you would experience when mourning and grieving because of how cancer is impacting and changing their life.
“Grieving for that life is natural and frankly I think it’s helpful in coming to terms with our present life. Don’t beat yourself up; have a good cry, scream or whatever works for you, and then you will feel ready to get on with living again!”
Community member, Secondary Breast cancer forum
Your quality of life may have changed since starting cancer treatment due to side effects of treatment. If you need support with managing treatment side effects, your health care team are there to help and you can always post questions in our Ask an Expert section of the Community.
Cancer can also change the way you feel about yourself if you've lost confidence, dealing with body image changes or are struggling with your emotions. We know you are still you and having a place like the community to talk openly how you are feeling, can really help. There's lots of people here who understand how you're feeling.
“Crying is totally normal after what has happened for you and that sadness may be because you have lost a part of you. Yes, it was a breast and yes it had Cancer in, but it was yours and now it’s not there. It could be about how you feel about that or it could be because you are not sure what that is going to look like.”
Community member, Breast cancer forum
Coming to terms with a loved one's diagnosis
Caregivers are also impacted by a loved ones diagnosis because they may also need to make changes to your life in order to support them. This may be to provide hands on care, offer emotional support or by going to appointments.
When being there to support a loved one there's also lots of different emotions you may experiences and grieving for the life you had before supporting a friend or family member with cancer is common.
““it is absolutely normal to feel anger about the diagnosis because it looks like that you love and care for your wife. She should be feeling angry and disappointed as well about her diagnosis. Looking about the stages of grief anger is one of it before accepting the situation.”
Community member, Cervical cancer forum
"I remember looking through newsletters and leaflets thoroughly when it all started, reading about how cancer can affect a marriage and naively thinking "no that won't be us". We've over come failed, IVF and IUI and pulled through together as a team. We've done everything as a team. Now I feel like I am grieving for my wife when she is still alive. I am exhausted and don't feel like myself anymore. The feelings of relaxed and happy are a distant memory and it's horrible. They are replaced with feelings of resentment, anger and guilt for feeling the prior emotions."
Community member, Carer's only forum
Has a cancer diagnosis given you the answers you were looking for?
After a long time exploring your symptoms, testing and further appointments, it can sometimes be a relief to be diagnosed so a plan of action can be put in place. Once you are diagnosed, you can talk through your treatment options with your health care team.
"Finally- after being diagnosed in early February it’s been a long wait to get to this point"
Community member, Kidney cancer forum
"So after what feels like a decade of waiting received call today to tell me that I'm stage 2 cancer has not spread but does appear to be on my surrounding tissue so looks like a combination of chemo and radiation. When I heard chemo I cried for some reason it felt so much more cancerous which sounds weird but there is a sense of relief as well. I have an appointment tomorrow for an examination so hopefully will get more answers."
Community member, Cervical cancer forum
What it means to be living with cancer
Living with cancer means different things to different people. Some have been given the hope of being cancer free by having treatment options, but for others, receiving an incurable diagnosis can cause concerns about how you will find a way to truly live with cancer. With the right support in place, you can find ways of living with cancer in a way that work best for you.
“I just wanted to let you know that your words ‘living with cancer’ have given me a huge boost. Someone else said it to me recently and it’s changed my thinking from ‘I’m waiting to die’ to ‘I’m living (with cancer)'. So thank you, it’s really changed my perspective. Sending love and hugs.”
Community member, Soft tissue sarcoma forum
“My life has changed completely since being diagnosed as incurable. I have had to stop working, I have lost a lot of friends, all of my confidence, and find it hard to accept how my body has changed physically. I went through a stage of grieving for my old life, and at times I still struggle, although I hide this well. Once I accepted my new way of life, and started looking for the positives in my life, it became easier. Now I take each day one day at a time.”
Community member, Lung cancer forum
It’s good that you reach out for additional support when you need it. Our Online Community has lots of different support groups that you and your loved ones can get involved with. If you’re needing some additional emotional support or want to talk to someone, please call the Macmillan Support Line on 0808 808 00 00. The specialist teams are there to help everyday from 8am to 8pm if you need emotional, practical or financial help.
How are you coping since you or a loved one received a cancer diagnosis?
Why not talk about how you are feeling in our Emotional support forum or groups you are a member of. There'll be others who are in a similar situation and will be there to lend a friendly listening ear.
