Why do some people make life so bloody difficult, I don't ask much I just want to be able to go to work when I am well. My oncologist is fine with it, my GP is fine with it, Occ Health is fine with it - so why are my senior managers so bloody obstructive and negative.
I have been back at work following my first does of chemo for 3 days and have had two conversations, the first one with my manager who I trust and like, who has been asked by the next manager up to confirm whats happening re my phased return and certificates etc, because we need to be consistent.
Conversation goes like this, how are? I've been asked to confirm where we are with your phased return because I think they are concerned that you may need one each time you come back, what am i doing about certificates. To cut a long story short we agreed that I would self cert myself - thought we had already agreed this - if I could and get GP cert if not; that I would only come into work if I was well, and that if there were days when I couldn't drive would I be able to work from home. Apparently I can have another phased return - big of them considering its a reasonable adjstment under the DDA; I might be able to work from home occasionally but I was asked what work I would be doing. Erm excuse me but you allocate work. So get that sorted with me making it clear in a gentle way that I would expect them to make reasonable adjustments under the DDA and that I am making adjustments eg I am picking up all the crap jobs no one else wants to do!
I felt OK after this strangely because I realised that I have control because my GP will sign me off tomorrow, but you know it goes against the grain to sit at home when I feel well and its good for me to get out and be useful.
Meeting 2 today with Dir, starts off with her saying how you are and when I say I'm fine, she say "yes but really" to which I say sharply I'm fine, there is nothing wrong with me..... and she replies yes there is. I won't bore you with the she said, I said but we had a discussion about the fact that I am undergoing treatment and she finally understands, she says I'm being very "positive" condescending cow! She then says well I can prevent any risks to you (have I asked her too - no); you need to be careful (er don't you think I know that); you must ensure you look after yourself ( do you think I'm stupid enough to come into workif I am ill or at risk!!) Now she's being a patronising cow!
Then we have "well you need to be effective when you are here" (wasn't aware I wasn't being effective and doing my job even the crap ones); Is she saying I'm not effective; Then she asks what work I've got. I find myself trying to justify why I am there, what work I am doing and have done; one of the things I tell her I have been asked to do, she bluntly says well that should reduce soon. Does she think I go in work just to socialise or something, that I am sitting there twiddling me thumbs.
Then she says, when we saw you at home after your op you looked so well, you had make up on, and look realy well. What the f**k (sorry to use this word had told myself I can use it only in extremis) am I supposed to make of that, that I look crap today? Actually yes I think I look a bit tired and say so, Oh I didn't mean that she says. At this point I give up, I have been honest and upfront with her and other managers, but I no longer want to share my thoughts and concerns with her, I don't want to explain that I would love have put my mascara and paint on but the chemo has made my eyes a bit gritty and sore, I no longer trust her. Now she a rude cow as well as being patronising, condescending and sterotypical!!!!
It feels like they play lip service to the DDA, that it would be easier and more confortable for them if I wasn't at work and they didn't have to make any adjustments for me - even though they are supposed to. I know I shouldn't moan I am luckier than a lot of people. And despite me saying I do expect them to abide by the DDA - I don't want to alienate anyone because I need to have the job to return to. But I am now of the opinion that I should just get my GP to sign me off for the duration because I am expending energy on something I shouldn't have to and I can't be arsed - if they want to pay me to sit at home when I can work why am I bothered.
But I hate myself for feeling that way, I'm furious with myself for being so bloody nice and reasonable all the time, I always see the other person side (I know its not easy making adjustments to someone - see there I go again), I hate myself for always offering up that "I may have misunderstood" when I know I didn't, that I'm just being sensitive. Most of all I hate that I allow them to reduce me to tears!!!. It feels like I am letting them get away with it and it shouldn't be a fight, I never ever thought it would be this hard. But now I'm angry and sad that it has to be this way.
Why - here is the laugh..... wait for it - I work in HR (we should know better) and we certainly know about our obligatons under the DDA and I work for the NHS. BIG LAUGH!!!! I wouldn't mind but HR can be such a crap job as in we sort out the mess someone else has made, we have the difficult conversations and support people in difficult situations - I happen to think I do it very well!
To make it worse I have no bloody jellie babies to name and behead - but I'm gonna get some tomorrow!!!
OK sorry for boring you all and apologies to you all and to my mum, love her for the bad language. (she would be appalled)
Take care all, gonna do some Christmas shopping tomorrow, who said retail therapy doesn't work - just think of all that petrol money I can save when I'm sitting a home, reading, gardening, walking to dog, visiting friends, m,aking my curtains baking, making chutney, getting my seeds off to a good start for next year.
Happy thoughts and whatever you get up to enjoy it.
Carol xx
FormerMember
Carol I read this blog and my overwhelming opinion is why are you bothering???? I know, because I have been through it twice, that chemo effects are copeable with after the first couple of cycles, but the toxins build up in your body as your liver can only process things at a certain rate - so by cycle 4 you might still have some stuff left in your body from cycle one. You can expect things to get worse over the next few weeks - sorry, Im not trying to depress you, but to tell you my experience. If you go to work you will sit and cringe as everyone catches the winter lurgies and sneeze over you and your immune system will be supressed very soon. I think that what you witnessed at work was a typical response to someone with cancer - its as if all people can see is your illness and their pre conceptions of how it will affect you. I know you feel perfectly capable of working now - but that may not always be the case - I myself had a stresful job, working with young people and I was glad I was signed off as I knew it would be very draining - even though it would have been a good distraction! Maybe you feel you want to fight for your rights and if so I applaud you - but speaking personally I reserve my fighting spirit for something else (ie fighting cancer) . Wishing you strength and courage, and whatever it is that you wish for yourself. best wishes, Jools x
I tried to go back to work at the Council, but I was put in for a job share, and they wouldn't actually let me do any work, and it was a mess, so I threw my hands in the air and said I couln't fit in this area. As a leave reserve temp, they had cut my hourly rate as well.
What does DDA stand for? You didn't say, but it does seem to apply to all of us who want to go back to work. (I think secretarial work is easier to do at home some days, because you can take meeting minutes home to do, and reports). It seems that the problem is with risk assessments and certification. If your GP says you are OK to work on days you aren't having chemo, that should be good enough for your managers. They aren't medics, so they can't make medical judgements can they? It isn't as though you would have a lot of lifting and carrying stuff is it? The industrial strong men can do that. Office work is physically easy compared with housework. I gave myself a hernia from lifting and carrying laundry, shopping and library books. Just try to be thicker skinned. They don't know diddley squat. You are an HR person and probably know the rules a lot better than they do. Use what you know, and stick to the rules. As I see it, you are clear to work within the agreed parameters so won't need further certificates, except as you say, self certification. for the days you have a bad trip with the Chemo.
The chemo will darken your skin slightly, and you won't need lipstick. You should find the Body Shop eyeliner will do what you need, And their eyebrow powder is low allergenic. I used spring water to bathe the cludgeyness from my eyes night and morning, and while they ran all day, the soreness went. I'd start with some Malvern Water, which is closer to the one I used.
Good luck, and I hope you enjoy being back with work.
It does depend on what Chemo you are on. I was on 5FU, and didn't even try to go back to work until the chemo had settled down. I started chemo in November and went back to work in February. I was no worse then than I had been in that office before. Office work is a bit safer, as long as you have your Flu immunisation and don't let people get too close to you.. Working with children, especially juniors below 10 is a real hotbed of colds and childhood diseases. Even large open plan offices tend to be grouped in cells of 2 or three, and your immediate neighbours will want to protect you as much as possible. All this is taken into account in risk assessments.
Having said that, I'll have lunch with you if you like. I met a friend at Birmingham University on Thursday, and had tea with my sister at Warwick Arts Centre. Anywhere in the West Midlands is up for grabs.
Hope your chemo is going well. I was fine, apart from an allergy to cold coffee, which has now gone.
When I started at my old job, I had had Cancer for 6 months, but didn't know it then, and had abdominal cramps on the way home. I develped a cough that irritated everyone as well as me, then finally discovered 5 months in, that I had bowel cancer. I was recovered by the time I went back to work, and was only on chemo as a precautionary measure.
Carol, remind them that you were working brilliantly when you had cancer before they knew you were ill. You are miles better now.
First of all, I'm so pleased you're still feeling well enough to want to work. What kind of chemo are you on? A word of warning, we are all affected by chemo in different ways. And every chemo has different effects. I was fairly strong when I started chemo, as I'd had 3 months enforced recuperation with an infectionafter my op. I really sailed through the first three cycles - I did have some side effects such as nausea, flu like symptoms and immuno suppression, but nothing that I couldn't cope with. I would certainly have liked to go back to work and it was only the long commute which deterred me. I too work in an office but find it's a very active job - not only the sitting at a desk part, but there's a lot of running up and downstairs, delivering files, making copies, taking things into meetings . . . doing everything that can be done faster on 2 legs. Well, between chemo 3 and chemo 4 there was an enormous change and suddenly I realised there is no way I could work full time - from the time I stop taking the steroids, side effects kick in and I'm just too tired to do much other than the occasional short walk (compromised by now having to use a stick to walk). Even chemo brain has kicked in and I don't think my employer would appreciate that! I know some people have managed to work the whole way through, but it's rare and depends on the type of chemo you're having. All I can suggest is that you think what's best for you - bear in mind that the effects of chemo are cumulative, and that you do need rest and to protect your immune system. And don't waste energy on your insensitive, patronising boss - go and buy something to kick (you can always give it her name). Lots of love, Kate
PS Rwth says your skin will darken and you won't need lipstick - I don't think this applies to every type of chemo - if anything, I'm slightly paler now- probably due to insufficient exercise !!
As an ex nurse and fellow cancer sufferer I too can understand what Carol is saying. I have had 4 different types of chemo now and on none of them would I have felt well enough to work. I am now retired on ill-health grounds which was my choice, because I don't have much time left and want to have some fun and be a Mum full time (plus I am likely to be on chemo for the rest of my life). I think it is well known that warm foisty offices are a hotbed of germs (there were 80 colleagues in mine)! In February this year pre diagnosis, I was working full time and doing a spiffing job at work despite having secondaries in what seems like every part of my body - but add in chemo to that and I couldn't do it. I too had a persistent cough and was wonderng why I couldnt keep up with my clients whilst walking up the high street to buy them interview clothes!! First time round in 2003 I was a student, so University wasn't the best place to be while immunosupressed either. I had to re-do the second two semesters, I left in the April before my surgery and returned in the January. I did get my degree and postgraduate QCG in 2005!
The thing with Carol's situation is she is feeling unwanted at work! DDA is Disability Discrimination Act which as part of it's remit, provides protection for those with cancer to remain at work!!
Unfortunately I can't promise to meet you for lunch as we live a long way apart - but I will be at the 'Madchester' Christmas party the weekend of 6th December - will you be there?
Carol I apologise for diverting from your blog - must try harder to keep focused on you! Best wishes to one and all, Jools x
