Why do some people make life so bloody difficult, I don't ask much I just want to be able to go to work when I am well. My oncologist is fine with it, my GP is fine with it, Occ Health is fine with it - so why are my senior managers so bloody obstructive and negative.
I have been back at work following my first does of chemo for 3 days and have had two conversations, the first one with my manager who I trust and like, who has been asked by the next manager up to confirm whats happening re my phased return and certificates etc, because we need to be consistent.
Conversation goes like this, how are? I've been asked to confirm where we are with your phased return because I think they are concerned that you may need one each time you come back, what am i doing about certificates. To cut a long story short we agreed that I would self cert myself - thought we had already agreed this - if I could and get GP cert if not; that I would only come into work if I was well, and that if there were days when I couldn't drive would I be able to work from home. Apparently I can have another phased return - big of them considering its a reasonable adjstment under the DDA; I might be able to work from home occasionally but I was asked what work I would be doing. Erm excuse me but you allocate work. So get that sorted with me making it clear in a gentle way that I would expect them to make reasonable adjustments under the DDA and that I am making adjustments eg I am picking up all the crap jobs no one else wants to do!
I felt OK after this strangely because I realised that I have control because my GP will sign me off tomorrow, but you know it goes against the grain to sit at home when I feel well and its good for me to get out and be useful.
Meeting 2 today with Dir, starts off with her saying how you are and when I say I'm fine, she say "yes but really" to which I say sharply I'm fine, there is nothing wrong with me..... and she replies yes there is. I won't bore you with the she said, I said but we had a discussion about the fact that I am undergoing treatment and she finally understands, she says I'm being very "positive" condescending cow! She then says well I can prevent any risks to you (have I asked her too - no); you need to be careful (er don't you think I know that); you must ensure you look after yourself ( do you think I'm stupid enough to come into workif I am ill or at risk!!) Now she's being a patronising cow!
Then we have "well you need to be effective when you are here" (wasn't aware I wasn't being effective and doing my job even the crap ones); Is she saying I'm not effective; Then she asks what work I've got. I find myself trying to justify why I am there, what work I am doing and have done; one of the things I tell her I have been asked to do, she bluntly says well that should reduce soon. Does she think I go in work just to socialise or something, that I am sitting there twiddling me thumbs.
Then she says, when we saw you at home after your op you looked so well, you had make up on, and look realy well. What the f**k (sorry to use this word had told myself I can use it only in extremis) am I supposed to make of that, that I look crap today? Actually yes I think I look a bit tired and say so, Oh I didn't mean that she says. At this point I give up, I have been honest and upfront with her and other managers, but I no longer want to share my thoughts and concerns with her, I don't want to explain that I would love have put my mascara and paint on but the chemo has made my eyes a bit gritty and sore, I no longer trust her. Now she a rude cow as well as being patronising, condescending and sterotypical!!!!
It feels like they play lip service to the DDA, that it would be easier and more confortable for them if I wasn't at work and they didn't have to make any adjustments for me - even though they are supposed to. I know I shouldn't moan I am luckier than a lot of people. And despite me saying I do expect them to abide by the DDA - I don't want to alienate anyone because I need to have the job to return to. But I am now of the opinion that I should just get my GP to sign me off for the duration because I am expending energy on something I shouldn't have to and I can't be arsed - if they want to pay me to sit at home when I can work why am I bothered.
But I hate myself for feeling that way, I'm furious with myself for being so bloody nice and reasonable all the time, I always see the other person side (I know its not easy making adjustments to someone - see there I go again), I hate myself for always offering up that "I may have misunderstood" when I know I didn't, that I'm just being sensitive. Most of all I hate that I allow them to reduce me to tears!!!. It feels like I am letting them get away with it and it shouldn't be a fight, I never ever thought it would be this hard. But now I'm angry and sad that it has to be this way.
Why - here is the laugh..... wait for it - I work in HR (we should know better) and we certainly know about our obligatons under the DDA and I work for the NHS. BIG LAUGH!!!! I wouldn't mind but HR can be such a crap job as in we sort out the mess someone else has made, we have the difficult conversations and support people in difficult situations - I happen to think I do it very well!
To make it worse I have no bloody jellie babies to name and behead - but I'm gonna get some tomorrow!!!
OK sorry for boring you all and apologies to you all and to my mum, love her for the bad language. (she would be appalled)
Take care all, gonna do some Christmas shopping tomorrow, who said retail therapy doesn't work - just think of all that petrol money I can save when I'm sitting a home, reading, gardening, walking to dog, visiting friends, m,aking my curtains baking, making chutney, getting my seeds off to a good start for next year.
Happy thoughts and whatever you get up to enjoy it.
Carol xx
FormerMember
Aah thank you all for your kind comments and advice - I not really a workaholic but it was important to me to maintain as much of my life as I could. I'm on E-CMF so have had 1 cycle of Epi, should be at no 3 by Christmas and to be honest had just hoped to work until Christmas, because I guessed I would be feeling the combined effect of the chemo by then. Their attitude is just disappointing because its the one department that should ensure fairness and consistency.
And you are right Jools is seems as though the manager only sees the cancer and the problems, not the solutions.
But I have a plan of action, I do need to tell her how how I feel, because its important that she understands. But I'm gonna get signed off and I'm gonna be a lady who does whatever her body will allow her. I stopped off at a craft shop today and a lovely lady was offering jewellry making lessons - so I had one !!! and I bought all the tools, quite relaxing well if I can get the hang of winding the wire!!. But guess what - I forgot the jellie babies - but they'll keep!!
I found my HR Department just like yours, but my immediate manager and the <strong>people I work with</strong> were really supportive. Yes, I did use work as a social visit when I could and am still doing it actually, but so what? It's a very selfish disease and I have always said that everyone around me needed to see the consequences of both it and its treatment. I always thought of my work visits as ways of teaching people about cancer. And yes, you are quite right to keep quoting the DDA at everyone ~ it is going to be with you for a loooong time and people everywhere need to know about it.
So, I agree do what you feel is best for you. Bugger work ~ that really is the least important thing for you to concerntrate on right now. You have a far more important job to do, and that is getting better.
just read your blog fromnov. ive got HR coming ut next thurs, whats the criteria for the DDA, ive done sickness reviews in the past for staff, never for anyone with cancer, so don't know what to expect from work when they come out, my manager is very like yours, i feel it will just be lip service when she arrives, she doesnt have a clue in general, the hassles of a family etc, she's only 28yrs old, not married, no kids/grandchldren, and lives for her work, dont get me wrong, i enjoy my job, just at the minute, its kinda not a priority, hope your still ok, take care viv
Oh I hope this isn't too late. I've just looked back on blogs and noticed your comment. I'm fine, signed off now.
My understanding is that you are covered by the DDA while you have or are undergoing treatment for cancer. It means that your employer should make reasonable adjustment to keep you in or support you to return to work. eg reduce your hours either on a temp or perm basis, this would affect your pay or allocate some of your duties elsewhere etc. But if you have an Occupational Health dept they should advise the manager. Not sure whar sort of company you work for, but you would expect them to be looking at how you are, when you might be coming back, what support you may need, they should advise you when you will go to half pay and zero pay if applicable.
