Shay

Aw my heart really goes out to you hun. I lost my wee granddaughter last February. She was only 4 days old. I know this doesn't compare to what you are going through, but I can empathise with you somewhat.

How insensitive for your friend to say what she did!

It must bring it all back at times like this and | really feel for you.

Nothing I can say will make it any better I'm afraid, but please know I am thinking of you.

Take care. Christine xx

Hi There

I know exactly where you are coming from, my daughter had a baby boy 2 years ago and he only lived 10 days, the pain i felt as a grandma was horrendous and then to try to comfort my daughter and son in law was so hard, i was with them all day while she was in labour, which lasted 22 hours for the baby to be born starved of oxygen and to see all the medical team trying to save him was so hard while all the time trying to reassure them both that he would be fine, even though i knew he wouldnt, he was instantly taken to special care and put in an incubator even though he was almost 8lb, he was on a ventilator and he was born on a Thursday night, by the following monday we were all called in to see doc to be told they can no longer do anything to help him and it would be kinder to switch his machine off, how the hell do you do that without feeling as if you havent killed your own child, to get my daughter and son-in-law through this we had to be with them 24/7, they switched his machine of on the Tuesday night and the little fighter lived until the Saturday lunch time, he died in my daughters arms at 11.55am which is strange as he was born at 11,50pm, she bathed him, dressed him and kissed him and told him he was all nice and clean ready for the angels, it was heartbreaking to see, then just as we were leaving the hospital with all his stuff in a bag, (but no baby), we saw a woman with a baby outside hospital telling it to shut its whinging and crying, the baby was 2-3 months old if that, well i just lost it and give her a piece of my mind about how she should think herself lucky that she has a healthy child, it took my daughter some time to go and see her friend who had had a little girl a month prior, but when she did eventually go it actually helped her, she held the little girl, she was heartbroken all the time she was holding her but it did give her determination to carry on and to remember the saddest 10 days of her life.

I know our stories are different but we have 1 thing in common, the death of a beautiful cherished child.

Thats exactly the response she wanted from you,

only you know if you thought you where a bit rude,and your reaction about your own child R.I.P.

of course its only natural to think it should have been me.But life is not like that it kicks you in the teeth every chance it gets. The hard bit is we have to bite the bullet and get on with life.Good Luck.

Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Sarsfield.xxx

oh sweetheart, i have been thinking about you ,im in a slightly similar situation, but no where near as painful as you, i lost my hubby aged 40 in march ,and my best friend is due to give birth any min and im birth partner, dont get me wrong i love them both dearly but im terrified i will feel as you did ,when ju was ill her baby was such a focus for us both ,ju felt as his life ended this baby would have life ,he also felt he died for a reason ,something i struggle with if im honest ,,anyway on fri she mailed me a copy of the poem shes found for fathers day from the baby ,it was beautiful but broke my heart ,and i personally feel she was a bit insensetive,but people just dont/cant understand unless they have been their ,

i know its not the same but i think i will stuggle watching that baby come into the world, but i know i have to do it ,but with our grief, you never know how/when its going to affect us ,but i think new life will always do that, or we wouldnt be human ,or a good loving parent /or wife

take care megan you know where i am hun, huge hugs jenni xxxx

Hello Starry

Perhaps your friend just didn't think before she said those insensitive words?  I know I've put my foot in it from time to time.

It must have been hard for you and I really feel your pain.  The closest I have come to your situation is when my eldest daughter had a stillborn baby girl.  I was with her at the birth and we knew beforehand that there was no chance of survival.

My daughter was so upset that she couldn't even look at the baby afterwards but, while she was sleeping, I asked the nurse if I could hold my first granddaughter and say goodbye to her.  It was absolutely heartbreaking but something I needed to do.

I didn't really know her (she was named Kirsty) so it must be terrible to lose a child you have known and loved.

No wonder you're heartbroken.

Don't worry about being rude to your friend.  I'm sure she will understand if she's a true friend.

Don't really know what else to say except that your pain will ease in time.

Love and *hugs* to you.

Marjorie

x x x x x x