Carol-Anne or Carlie

1 minute read time.

I remember when i fell pregnant, it couldnt have been better timing. Me and my husband had been trying for nearly 3 years, and finally it had happened. My pregnancy was really easy i had no problems what so ever. When i went into labour my beutiful little girl was here within 3 hours she was a healthy 6lbs3. Carlie she was perfect in every way.

The first 2 years of her life just flew in, she was perfect in every way. Then she started getting very unwell, docs said at beginning it was a viral infection. The viral infection never cleared up, she was sent to Yorkhill Childrens Hospital in Glasgow for different tests. To cut a long story short she was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.

Carlie fought so hard to fight and was in remission 11 months later. The relief was overwhelming we had our little girl back. A month later the cancer was back and it was very agressive. Carlie lost her fight just before Christmas 2009.

I cant believe that my perfect little girl is now no longer here with me. I am going through everyday life like a zombie feeling so empty. I am constantly crying all the time. I cant eat, I cant sleep. My husband ( so called) told me last week he thinks im heading for a break down and he just cant bear to be around me.

I have been in chat for the last few weeks but i feel uncomfortable talking sometimes. I hate bringing the conversation down. When people ask if im okay, i cant say no im terrible so my usual answer is okay even though im screaming inside.

Anyway im sorry i just needed to get that off my chest, thanks for reading

Megan x

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Megan, you poor sweet girl, I have some idea how you are feeling, I lost my baby son at age 5mths not to cancer to heart defect and your darling girl was older. nevertheless the pain is indescribable. this was a long time ago now but I do remember and it is something you never get over. The one thing I do know for sure tell people how you are feeling if they ask, if you feel like screaming say so, and you will feel better not keeping it all in.

    Everyone on this site are wonderful at supporting those of us when we need it and we all do at some time,

    remember it's ok to cry as long as you want to and it's ok to shout and scream, I'll be there with you in spirit, holding you and keeping you safe in my heart.

    I wish you well sweetheart and I'm here if you want me.

    Love Vee.xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I send you a hug and if you see me on chat then feel free to come and have a private conversation.... I will listen to how you feel ... Best of hugs Jules x

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Megan,

    What can anybody say,that will ease the pain. But the one thing I would ask of you is not to let all the Pain and sorrow keep building up.wether its on this site as Kezzer says or on Chat as Debs says.

    We are all here for the same reason to help eachother in whatever way we can.As long as you know there is always someone here that you can talk to, ask advice from, if you need Help or just somebody to try and understand your feelings.

    My thoughts and sympathy are with you at this terrible time.

    Take care and be safe,Hugs and Love.Sarsfield.xxx

  • We are supposed to outlive our children but when they are snatched away from as such an early age it is a virtually unbearable loss. Those who have not experienced your pain can not begin to comprehend how you are feeling but any mother might imagine how you feel.

    I wish you peace and strength.

    KateG

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Dear Megan - you can 'talk' to us all on here any time, there's always someone listening. You have suffered what every mother (including me) must dread. Sending you much love, and hope you can find some comfort from your friends in Macmillan land. Val x