Carol-Anne or Carlie

1 minute read time.

I remember when i fell pregnant, it couldnt have been better timing. Me and my husband had been trying for nearly 3 years, and finally it had happened. My pregnancy was really easy i had no problems what so ever. When i went into labour my beutiful little girl was here within 3 hours she was a healthy 6lbs3. Carlie she was perfect in every way.

The first 2 years of her life just flew in, she was perfect in every way. Then she started getting very unwell, docs said at beginning it was a viral infection. The viral infection never cleared up, she was sent to Yorkhill Childrens Hospital in Glasgow for different tests. To cut a long story short she was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.

Carlie fought so hard to fight and was in remission 11 months later. The relief was overwhelming we had our little girl back. A month later the cancer was back and it was very agressive. Carlie lost her fight just before Christmas 2009.

I cant believe that my perfect little girl is now no longer here with me. I am going through everyday life like a zombie feeling so empty. I am constantly crying all the time. I cant eat, I cant sleep. My husband ( so called) told me last week he thinks im heading for a break down and he just cant bear to be around me.

I have been in chat for the last few weeks but i feel uncomfortable talking sometimes. I hate bringing the conversation down. When people ask if im okay, i cant say no im terrible so my usual answer is okay even though im screaming inside.

Anyway im sorry i just needed to get that off my chest, thanks for reading

Megan x

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I wish I had the words to say to make it all better.  All I can say is I'm thinking of you, I know it isn't helpful but I am.  And if I'm ever on chat when you are and ask how you are I really do want to know the truth, it's ok to tell the truth, that's what we're all here for, to support each other.lx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    hello megan

    first let me ((((hug)))) you ..... you are not heading for a breakdown ....you are grieving for your baby

    please try - next time someone asks "how are you?"

    - answer the truth -tell them exactly how you are feeling - or if thats too difficult say "NOT OK"

    more (((hugs))) sweetheart

    love xNx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Oh my dear Megan, my heart is breaking for you and I have no words to bring you any comfort. This is the site to be on for us to try and give you some support, we can listen to what you are saying and you can say what ever you wish. I can not understand has a cancer patient myself, how children get this, it is so wrong, I can't express how I feel. Stay here with us Megan, we will be with you all the way love, you don't have to be worried about saying how you feel on this site. I am so sorry....Love Carol xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    loosing a parent or older member to cancer is really hard and i dont take that away from no one but to lose your child is unbearable so my heart goes out to you. i have 2 teenage sons that drive me insane most days but i love them unconditionally and couldn't imagine my life with out them. so don't ever feel uncomfortable come into chat and scream, shout cry what ever you want to do, and i know someone will be there with 1 large shoulder for you. and as for bringing the conversation down naa that really doesn't matter its about you getting support and giving support when you feel strong.  take care thinking of you xxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find comfort on this site. You will certainly get the support you need. Love Julie X