Lung sclc, now glands, now in neck. plz advise? sooo depressed.
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FormerMember
hi, i was diagnosed with small cell lung in feb, they aid it was 2cm and i had a good chance of a cure, with a clinical trial called converse. i did al the tests, the scans etc.. they said i was fit enougth to take it. the word cure, made me feel eurphoric, i was so pleased. then the body scan results camr back and aid i had cancer in a gland on /near my kidneys, and the trial was out the window, i was devastated as i had already told my family the so called good news. then i developed a lump on my neck, they would not confirm what it was nor still havn't, so i asked the ultimate question, how long approx do i have? with chemo approx 2yr, without 6 month. came the answer. so they picked me up and dropped me like a hot brick in a couple of days. they cannot operate. had first lot of chemo today 18th , i am so depresed, i get approx 4 hr sleep a night, is it worth it? why me? when will i ever accept this? i dont mind being dead, its just i don't want my 4 children to suffer (all grown) i also have 6 g/children i am 50yr old, and feel robbed. i feel i have betrayed them, let them down cos of smoking. i hate the chemo, i feel like a bag of pills. i cannot take this in, cannot tell my children that they say 2yr . they sre to pleased with original word of cure. why are thet torturing me? i am so sorry this is a depressing blog. but i have had enough! i cant accept this invasion. i hate going to christies (manchester). firdt day and feel nausea, please does anyone have any encouragement that will ease my anguish? i am so desperate.
FormerMember
Aw Betty, I was so sorry to hear of your plight. I also have advanced lung cancer. I can honestly say that I know what you are going through. I was disgnosed in June 07 & It came as a huge shock to me as well. (You can read my profile) Have you ben offered a Macmillen nurse? They are a great source of information & will help with most of the problems that you are experiencing. Please accept my sincere best wishes & let ua know how you are getting on. Love Lyn.xx
hi betty, so sorry, we do tend to cling to every little scrap of good news were thrown, we do need hope, and we can and do out live prognosis, the more i read on here the more i expect. we all go through the stages, we all hope they`re wrong we all eventually accept, and get as much out of life as possible, otherwise we couldn`t get out of bed in the morning. please do tell your family don`t deprive them of the chance to make every moment count, they wont be able to get that time back. on the subjeck of chemo it`s worth it, i had 8 that finished in septand because of them i will see my 30th anniversary on 13 th of july, and hopefully my grandchild due in sept, and maybe even my 50 th birthday in jan,and more to start when it starts growing again.
if you read my today`s blog it might give you some hope betty i hope it does. i the mean time.((((((((((((big hugs)))))))))))))))
Do you think your children really believed the unbelievable good news? They may have pretended to, to please you, but surely they would at least wonder if it wasn't just a tiny bit too good to be true. Tell them, not in a big way, but let them see how you're feeling, then tell them. They won't mind you keeping it from them while you absorbed it yourself, but they are grown up now. They will want to support you and help you with their love.
Wouldn't your deterioration give the game away anyway? Not that it will be sudden. Or that it is all that cut and dried. Go through the motions with the treatment and see what happens then. It should buy you some more time. Show you love them by sharing the bad with the good. They will appreciate the respect that implies.
thank you so much to everyone that has replied, your word of encouragment and experience has boosted my spirits, i dont feel alone now, i am not afraid of dying, more afraid of how my children will cope, i dont want to hurt them anymore, and just today, my daughter has had to take her husband uo to the hosp' because he is having some sort of breakdown and has spent £2000 but doesn't know on what, so she now will lose her house, and her and the children will be housed by the local council, she will have to give up work, (she is a teacher) all of them are suffering in different ways, and i feel i cannot give them more bad news as yet, as it wont really help, just make thing worse, i will tell them, when the time is right, however now is not a good time, i have lost confidence in my mcmillan nurse, cos when i asked her about giving up smoking and nutritional foods to eat , she said it doesn't matter anymore, you can still smoke, and you can eat all those food you have been avoiding all your life to stay slim, i felt she gave up on from day one. i am asking for a new one.
thank you all i am feeling depressed, but know you are all out there, this is the best site ever. you are all truley much braver than me. i just need a kick up the a rse to get motivated, had chemo, and finding it hard but have to try. best wishes to all of you, thank you.
Dear Betty, I feel so sad for you. My husband had advanced lung cancer nsc but from the start was very honest with the family. If they asked questions then they were told the truth (no frills). He believed that it was better to be open and honest as you then have no fear of telling anyone anything by accident in an unguarded moment. It does not really matter when you tell people because they will be devastated no matter when you do it. It may help you all to do it sooner rather than later because then you can all try to spend quality time with each other. Also, they would be able to offer support and love to you now rather than having to say "if only we had known" later down the line. My family got to spend time with their dad because they made more effort knowing he was so ill. They are grateful for that opportunity and their dad had the pleasure of their company and the chance to tell them how he was proud of them and loved them. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. There is a lot of support on this site and I hope that you find it helpful. Best wishes x x
