I don't know where to start but am already crying. Dad had been doing so well considering, until last thursday. The GP has said this *****! disease is spreading rapidly and he only has a month maybe 2. Yesterday I went to see them and he looked totally different - bright, out of pain and eating! I just can't comprehend this and am really struggling.
I know the day is going to come but can't believe it,and whilst life continues whatever I don't know how we will all go on without him there. Can't sleep as I just keep thinking off all the things he used to do and those little things he did for mum, me and my children that he will never do again and i have no idea how we will manage - some of the them i know i simply won't that's why he used to do them!
I'm scared of a world where he isn't here, what am i scared of? the loneliness, the grief, of my whole world tumbling down around me, mum not coping, of never being able to live a "normal" life again - you name it, i'm scared of it!
What makes it worse is that I know the worst is yet to come and when that day arrives I will have to live everyday without him - there is no going back and somehow the finality of that is just too much.
So sorry to anyone daft enough to read this but I need to say these things and the only person who I know personally who understands me is the one person I refuse point blank to cry in front of and as I am now crying buckets talking to him is definately out of the question!
