chat site /fight site

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

30 Dec 2009

I now know what has been going on in chat this last week or so and i dont like it . I first came on the site earlly on this year after having just finished five months of chemo for AML. Had been talking to samaritans most nights just to stay sane .when i acme on at first i was a bit out of my depth as i had never been on a chat site before .

The folk on this site asked the useual qeustions what was i what did i have and then they started to help me by telling me what they had been through and how to cope with day to day living again . After a while i tried to help otjers in same situation and i think i did some. What no one ever did was to question my honesty as to weathr i was telling the truth about what i was going through. I have never done that either . ,We all know there have been a few of those . <nutters>who come on here to make trouble or are seriously disterbed and need treatment them selves They have all been found out by diferent means and are no longer on this site .What we have never done is totally dismissed some one for what they say on site just because we dont agree with it .

It seems to me that some on here seem to think they know a lot about all types of C well i dont i dont even know a lot about my own C never mind all the other types . I do know though that this bloody thing does efect different folk in different ways .Even AML i am a lucky one but two friends of mine on site and thier husbands are not and my heart goes out to them . When i was in hospital a friend of mine who i had known since school , his wife was in next iso room to me she went home before me in remission but unfortunatly only lasted six months and she passed away . when i wasan apprentice had a forman who had stomach cancer he was a blacksmith and he worked up to the day hedecided to go to hospitl then only after he had lost four stone and could not keep any thing down he went in they opened him up and sent him home he died a week later.

My own auntie died from bone cancer she did not even know she had it till she fell doown in Sheffield and broke her hip she died a few months later still carrying on as normal till broke her hip. I think this site should get back to doing the thing its meant to do help and suport those who come on here we will all be better for it . I can honestly say i owe my life to macmillon and this chat site and the friends i have found on here especially one my prop she knows who i mean so dont need to embaress her by telling you lot ha. I want to keep coming on but i must admit its getting harder all the time I may have to go to pms only and concentrats on cancer voices dont know yet lets get things back together eh!! still love you all

FormerMember over 15 years ago

Didn't get to finish my previous comment as my computer decided to go a bit mad.

All I'd like to say is thank you all for being there and supporting me through this very unreal experience.

Lots of love

Alison.xx
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

i agree with bad fairy - one chat room is not enough. it is too fast and impersonal. you have the impression of a semi private conversation but anyone can join with any agenda. i chose not to use it - the blogs and pm's are more friendly and useful. if you avoid the chatroom this site is great. please don't be put off because of it!
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

I agree with Angela and have been privvy to one particular "possible" fraudster who a quite a few of us gave lots of support to. How do you ever know if they are actually a fraud???

That's why I think you have to take most people at face value initially and offer them support and advice.

Yes it is upsetting if you find out that someone has taken your kindness and abused it, but for every fraud there are probably 20 people who genuinly need your help.

I just hope I can be there for them.

Take care. Debbie.xx
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

Alan,its not a new thing,aggro in chat,if you remember I encountered so much the first time I joined I left for 10 months,rejoined after sites amalgamated,met it again,now I don't bother chatting,only PM my friends,but then only in reply...the site and it's support,vanished for me shortly after diag...My few hand picked friends in fleshy world pulled me through,and the odd one or two in Mac,which is a shame

Happy new year Alan,God bless
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

hi Alan,

Firstly, I would like to say I,m sorry that you have had too many experiences of c being close to home.

I agree with most of the opinions on here, when I first joined this site I never once thought of a person being fake and only experienced a nice welcome and made some real good friends from whom I received valuable and well appreciated support. My first few experiences in the chatroom, I was shy, mainly because I had never used a chatroom before and didn't know what to expect, although I was made to feel that I belonged and realised most were like myself and had some form of link to this dreadful disease, whether patient or carer.

I was my grandads main carer and even though I only found the site a few weeks before my grandad passed away, the people who were there to support me I would class them all as genuine.

I only experienced things going wrong around november and I think it was around that time I had my first suspicions and experiences of negative vibes regarding some fraudulant charactors and was really dissappointed to think people could actually use this kind of a site where so many people are suffering already so much hurt and pain.

Although that did open my eyes to the fact not everything on the net is genuine and also made me more suspicious, no not suspicious, I would explain it as it made me put up my barriers again, although I did and still do welcome anyone new who comes into chatroom, never judge a book by its cover, just be mindful.

I'm not aware of what has been going on in chat recently over the last couple of weeks as I haven't been in frequently, although I have been in chat in the past when people haven't always seen eye to eye but haven't actually seen any bad language being used, but I think everyone is entitled to an opinion and everyone should beable to agree to dissagree but at the same time respect eachother and other users online at the time.

This site should certainly not be a fight site but it should be a positive site, each helping the next person, there are so many different types of cancer and equally so many different experiences to be shared and learned from.

Even though i have learned there are untrustworthy people who use this site, they are a minority and i would think the majority are genuine living experiences similar to eachother.

Graeme i related well to your post and I even think about my own experiences of close people and family around me having cancer experiences, could potentially be the making of an unbelievable fairytale.

My great grandma Hannah had carcima of the thyroid with deposits in her skull and pelvis, My great grandad Thomas had luekamia, my great aunty josie had primary bowel, secondary lung c 2007, my friend jaz lost her brother at 32 to c, My niece (not by blood) lost her dad Glennel to throat c,My good friend jo lost her mum Joyce to osophagal c and her dad to Pancreius, My grandad passed away in Sept he had AML and I have just recently alady I know her daughter who was 31 died also to breast c 2 days before my grandad. Now that seems so surreal and boy how I wish so much it is, but unfortunately the bitter realities in my life. To top it off my nan is going to Royal Bolton Hospital Dermatology ward 21stJan to have skin cancer removed from her leg as they do not have a dermatology ward at fairfield hospital.

Anyway I would just like to say anyone who has experienced any negatives on this site please don't give up because there is support on here just waiting for you ALL!!!!!

Reneesha xxx
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