......that Dad will not change his drinking habit 'just because' he has cancer. Am I being selfish for wanting him to be sober when I visit him with my 5 and 8 yrs old kids.
He has diabetes too and that doesnt even make him slow down on the hooch.
FormerMember
Sorry to read about your dad.
Its a shame that he is behaving in this way...........Maybe hes in denial of his cancer, or drinking may be his way of blotting it out.Has he been assigned a Macmillen nurse? Maybe you could a have a word with her & she may come up with something. Just a couple of ideas. I wish you good luck. .............Love Lyn xxxxx
I think the same as linadawn (by the way love the new hair linda) If your dad doesn't have a Mac nurse and even if he does, you can write to a nurse here, they are so good and compassionate. Best wishes, lindaj. p.s. let us know how you get on
Hello AJ. I posted on your other blog and no, you are not being selfish to want your dad to change. The thing is he has been a drinker for so long that I doubt that having cancer and diabetes is going to change that. In his mind he may be thinking well, I'm dying anyway so what does it matter? I know it matters a great deal to you because of your childhood which is understandable. How about making this the time that you tell him how you have felt and are feeling? I know you love him despite of all this and now may be the time to say it. Once he's no longer here you may have regrets and the "if only's" driving you mad. My mum had a very difficult childhood and relationship with her dad but it was her who was there for him in the last year or so of his life and she was able to get a lot off her mind by telling him how she felt. I also have a lovely sister-in-law who also has a mother who made her childhood hell but she's the one caring for her as she is now dying. She also used this time to tell her mother what she had felt about her childhood etc. Don't expect him to agree with what you tell him, he may have 'selective memory' but at least you have had your say.
I agree with the others that you could always speak to the nurses on here for information etc which may help you. I truly am sorry that this has caused you so much upset at an already scary time and I hope you find some resolution to this situation. Keeping you and your dad in my thoughts and sending you a hug.
But how sober does he have to be? Can you visit him early, or ask him which is the best part of the day to visit him with the kids. Otherwise, you will have to take them home fairly soon, and that would cut down on the time he has with them.
If he feels frightened, a negative attitude won't help him stay off it. Maybe you will have to visit him on your own most of the time, and just take the kids when you think he will be in the best frame of mind for him. Has he been drinking more since being diagnosed?
You know, sometimes you have to let people go their own way, and just give them as much love and support as you can, which means accepting him as he is for the duration. The children will accept him as he is if you explain that is how he is now, even if he is not as they would like. He doesn't have to be a good role model. Or even an awful warning. He is as he is.
