Am I wrong to feel upset?

Hi Niamh, crikey you gone gone through an awful lot and first things first I just wanted to say that any diagnosis of cancer is shocking and a challenge to deal with, regardless of the stage and grade. 

I had a diagnosis of endometrial cancer in December after a menopausal bleed, hysteroscopy and biopsy and then MRI  and CT scans confirmed the stage and grade. (stage 1 Grade 3) 

I would agree with you about the lack of awareness of pain and discomfort when having a hysteroscopy. Whilst I recognise that all women are different in terms of pain threshold etc I ended up asking for a GA this time, which I was not aware I could do. I had had a previous hysteroscopy two years ago, took paracetamol and used gas and air but it was very painful.

you are not to blame in any way for this diagnosis and you are entitled to and deserve all the right care and support and treatment that you need. As someone who has worked in social care for years, I was far too focussed upon caring for others to the detriment of my own well being. Iam determined to make a shift and look after myself better. 
I had a hysterectomy in January and was told recently that I do not require any further treatment. 
this is great news and Iam very grateful that I don’t need more treatment, however the psychological impact of having a diagnosis is going to take some time to process. Iam currently off work and receiving counselling. 
Most of the texts and cards I have received over the last 3 months have been wonderfully supportive. However I did receive one from an acquaintance who basically implied that my cancer had turned out to be not as serious as they thought, that I may be feeling a bit of a fraud and that I had worried people. (!) 
having a cancer diagnosis is a life changing experience the good thing is that there is lots of support out there. This forum and the McMillan helpline helped me through the last 3 months, I could not have managed it without them.  
Wishing you all the best for the next steps in your treatment 

Hi Niamh, and welcome to this roller coaster ride! In answer to your question, no you’re not “wrong” to feel upset - but you don’t *need* to be blaming yourself and feeling like you don’t deserve support and help. Have you ever had any support/therapy for your feelings of low self worth? Because it seems to me that those feelings are what has been triggered by the diagnosis. Regardless of whether or not you believe it, you are important, you are significant, you are special and you are enough. You matter. All this time you’ve been doing the best you could with what you had. None of us have to earn the right to be cared for and treated. And our wonderful health system is here to help and support you. And so are we - everyone on this group has either been through it or is going through it now, so we understand. 

Hi Niamh

Welcome to the Womb group. 

Having a diagnosis of cancer at any stage and grade can feel overwhelming. It can knock you sideways and it is normal to feel a whole range of emotions. It is not wrong to feel upset, feelings are feelings but please do not blame yourself. 

You deserve care and support as much as anyone else. You mention that you are an experienced nurse so maybe think what you would be saying to someone who was feeling as you do. 

Stage 1 cancer is still cancer. I had stage 1 cancer and I had a hysterectomy followed by chemotherapy and then external beam radiotherapy. 

You are very much welcome here and are entitled to join any groups, forums, look into complimentary support and have free prescriptions. It sounds like you have given many years support to others and now it is your turn to have a bit of support yourself. 

If it would help to talk things through, do give the Support Line a call. 

And do continue to post on here and ask any questions you want to. There are many lovely ladies on here who have been where you are now and who will want to offer you support. 

Jane

Hi Niamh

Welcome to this group you didn’t want to join.

i echo what has been said before. You are not to blame, and deserve all the support that is available. Doesn’t matter what stage/grade, everyone needs support going through this journey.

I had a really nice nurse when I went for my planning radiotherapy session. Without me saying anything, he started off by saying something along the lines of “why did you get this, no one will know the reason”. So don’t beat yourself up. Sometimes life just deals us the wrong card.

one thing I found going through this journey was, there was those that knew how to help and what to say, and others who didn’t. It’s tough, but unless you have been on this journey it’s difficult for some to know what you are going through. 

This is the time for you to look after yourself. Do you have a date for the op, know when this is likely to happen?

Do stay in touch with us, even if it’s for a rant, we understand xx

Hi, thankyou for your reply. 

I know that the statistics say one in 2, and since the only person who had cancer in whole blood family was my grandad, and I would rather it be me than my nearest and dearest. 

I just think I try to be positive mostbof the time, and then when I cant be positive anymore I start to think about how I really feel. 

My date for surgery is the 16th April and my pre op is the 7th....whichbis stressing me as the 1st day of the junior Dr strike. 

Thank you again. 

Many thanks for your reply  

Sometimes it can just be hard to be positive cant it. 

Thanks again. 

It is a really hard thing to go through and I remember feeling positive one moment and scared stiff the next. Also I felt as if everything was in limbo until the post op results came back. I couldn't relax until I knew whether I would need further treatment. Once I knew what was ahead, it felt a bit easier. 

We are here when you need us.

Thank you so much. I have always struggled silently with these thoughts. Which is why I have never been to the GP with issues, and opening up hurts so I keep the box closed. 

Actual talking makes me feel worse so I have never tried any groups etc. My occupational health team have referred me to some sort of therapist but I think i need to talk to my GP to get some of my nasty thoughts out. (She is a friend so I may donit over vino lol). 

Thank you for your support. 

I hope you are well.

Hi, 

Thank you for your reply, it is reassuring that I am not the only one to feel a bit like this too. 

I thinkni am going to see people to get some help, as I dont want to feel this way as it has done my no good obviously. 

I am so pleased that you are now cancer free, but make sure that you are ok before you try to help others...talking from experience 

Take care

Yep that’s the rollercoaster ride, but you can’t be positive all the time, and need to process your thoughts.  

I had a rushed pre op. Had appt with diagnosis on Friday am, they told me they had cancellation for op on the Monday morning, and could I get back to hospital that afternoon for pre op, which they had arranged that morning! Bit of a hectic weekend sorting prep out!

at least you don’t have too long to wait for op, and get out the other side.

xx