Things not to say to someone with cancer

Hi Marmite

Quite a few spring to mind.

Be strong/positive

My auntie lived till she was 90 after getting cancer

Thats a good one to get -it has great cure rates

Oh, when are you getting your breast off? (I had cervical cancer but assumption being there’s only breast cancer if you’re a woman)

if anyone can kick its butt, you can.

Have you given up sugar? Sugar feeds cancer.

I could go on, but you get my drift. 

I kept things private in the main, and still got this type of stuff said to me. Easier to keep quiet to avoid getting angry with platitudes and downright rubbish! 

Sarah xx

Hi MarmiteFan59 Well your hubby has been clear of Prostate cancer for over 5 years now.

Hugs, Barb x

I had a few that set my teeth on edge. The one about "well that's the one to get".

The assuming that it must be breast cancer.  Then when you say it's not they lose interest.  What is that all about?

The suggestions for crackpot remedies.

Some people seemed to write me off immediately, one or two I never heard from again.

After my operation I worked super-hard to get fit and resume endurance events, but now some of those people have completely forgotten I had cancer, and they don't cut me any slack at all.

Something that amused me around the time of diagnosis was those healthcare/support people whose initial contact was over the telephone rather than face-to-face, who advised me to lose weight and try some gentle exercise.  And me a long-distance runner, well-under 8 stone.

It is sometimes hard to stay polite isn't it? I find myself catering for other peoples' reactions. These days if I mention I have had cancer I feel obliged to add that I have now recovered and feel absolutely fine, to save the other person from feeling bad.

Yes the “that’s the best one to get” I have had said and we’ll stay positive which is true but when someone tells you you have cancer no amount of positivity stops that initial shock and numbness

i too have told few people about my diagnosis as I didn’t want the sympathy and victim looks and having to explain as most people just don’t know what to say etc x

ZippyG, also it’s totally okay not to feel positive/strong and it’s unrealistic pressure for us to put on ourselves to think we have to be upbeat all the time. 

You’re right xxx I’m not gonna lie sometimes when I’m sat by myself quietly the fear creeps over me and a big fat tear rolls down my cheek coz it hits me again I have been diagnosed with cancer and yes I know it might be fine after the op no treatment etc but it might not be who knows it’s hard not being in control I think that’s what I find the hardest and the pressure to be happy and positive is unrealistic coz sometimes we are not and can’t put a face on it xx

Hi MarmiteFan59,

i can definitely relate to most of those lines, the best one has to be "your too young to have cancer" and i am like really?. Its difficult i suppose too for others to know what to say and in their own way they may feel that its appropriate but it doesn't exactly help us, especially with the emotional roller-coaster cancer can be.

Another one I’ve had is “but you look so well”…

Yes - I’ve had ‘You look so well’

i grit my teeth at the ‘ you are going to be just fine’ brigade!  They don’t really listen, just say platitudes - I had ‘ no no, you’re not going to need chemo - it will be all over by Christmas!’  If only….

I have had it’s going to be fine you won’t need chemo too