Feel a fraud

Dear Nina60 You are in the middle of a very difficult and stressful time with your children and my heart goes out to you. I can’t answer your question as to whether you should go ahead with your surgery or not at this time, but I will say that you have a cancer diagnosis and you have absolutely have every right to be here. Your stage and grade are irrelevant - we are a group of ladies with cancer as the common thing which has brought us together here. We may have different stages and grades, we may have different types of womb cancer but we are all here because we recognise that we need the help and support of others who have been where we are, that we need to be with others who understand. We share our experiences in the hope that we can help each other in some small way to deal with a cancer diagnosis and all that comes with it. You are not a fraud at all. You say you’re not supporting anyone but in fact your presence here is more than welcome. Most of us have felt at some time that we have little to offer but in truth every experience is relevant. Every person here brings their own unique experience and insight and yours is as valuable as anyone else’s.

Im so sorry for the difficult time you’re having with your family.  I can only say that your health is just as important as theirs and urge you to seek support for yourself from relevant agencies if you haven’t already. It’s absolutely vital that you take care of yourself and your GP or clinical nurse specialist should be able to put you in touch with some counselling services and/or other support.  Sending you gentle hugs. I hope you will be able to access the support you need to help you through all this x

Don't feel a fraud Nina60, I think its common to feel this way when its low grade/stage you hear about higher stages and feel strange about if almost like you shouldn't be making a fuss etc, you know its wonderful to learn that its been found at a very early stage as in your case as a pre cancer that's changing into grade 1. No one ever would see you as a lesser person, certainly not. My stage was stage 1a grade2 and only had a hysterectomy as treatment I was very relived indeed. Everyone was very supportive about it all. Sometimes its the mental side that effects us the most and that's just as relevant in this awful illness.

I am really sorry to hear of your worries with your younger adult child you know no matter how old they are they are still your children and you want to protect them so mulikeHave you a Maggie's center near by? I hear they can be very supportive towards you and your family and maybe some extra support then it may help. Of course the helpline here maybe able to let you know about other services that may help you and your family.

And please know your totally welcome hear, its for people who have experience with cancer, no matter its stage, pre or otherwise and everyone here will continue to help and support as best anyone can and you know hope is very important learning that it was found very early gives everyone hope.

Stay if you would like, sometimes a simply offer of support goes a long way, never feel a fraud your not.

Hi Nina,

You are certainly not a fraud. At least the sooner its caught the better!  And, if you don't have the operation you will be even less use to your children in time!! Time to put yourself first, I think. xxxxxxxx

Hi Nina,

Everyone has given you great advice already, I just wanted to add, could you talk to your daughters support team about your concerns and tell them that you are going to be unavailable for a while whilst you recover and ask them to suggest extra support that they can put in place for your daughter whilst you are recovering? I know how daunting and complicated navigating support services can be and I hope that they can give you the reassurance that you need that your daughter will be well looked after whilst you have your op.

lots of love

xxx

Thank you so much for all the replies. Both my girls are adopted and both have attachment issues. The older one also has a syndrome that not many professionals have heard of, although it is much better now than when she came home to us 22 years ago. She and I have basically been informing people about all the complications that can come up with the syndrome. We have had to sit in various consultants rooms explaining that we know the actual problem is in her feet but that her back is hurting, or that her leg hurts but it’s because she has an ear infection!! Or waiting while a doctor in a&e is totally fascinated by  her bones in her feet which are just not quite where they are meant to be but are not actually broken. We have an amazing bond and we use humour to get through all the different appointments. 

My younger daughter has a mental health diagnosis of bipolar. But the main thing with her is that she never, ever learns from her mistakes. She also makes frequent false allegations. 

Both support agencies managers are aware of my surgery. Staff at youngest have been told and they are totally amazing. They already provide far more than they are paid to in her care package which is very low. They put on as many activities formher as she will take part in. But mostly she will not conform and will just do her own thing. She will turn up at ours unannounced and expect to e fed and then expect a lift back to hers.

But I am having this surgery. I already have counselling twice a week due to the stuff youngest has thrown at us over the years. My counsellor is not a cancer therapist but she is one amazing lady, she has been doing as much background reading as she can and has been speaking to doctors she knows. 

Thank you for your kindness and understanding. 

Xxxx

Hi Nina,

I think you are a very brave and caring lady. To adopt or foster a child is even harder work than having your own children. My youngest turned round once she had started University and said 'Sorry I was such an awful teenager'! I wish she had realised earlier!!! At the time it seemed a permanent battle.

xxxxxx

Hello Nina, sorry that you have so much on your plate. Do you have someone (friend, family, neighbour) who you could call on for a bit of assistance if your younger daughter arrives to visit unannounced, in the early days after your surgery?  After my hysterectomy I was not able to drive for a few weeks, and I guess you will already have been advised about restricting your activities for a while after surgery.  I'm thinking that if daughter is asking for a meal and a lift home you need to ensure you do not put yourself in harm's way while trying to help her.  Good luck for the operation. I had a TLH and BSO, and recovery was not as bad as I expected. I was fatigued for a long while, I think everyone will tell you they feel that, but the day after the operation I was up out of bed, dressed, tottering cautiously around the ward, and went home. Friend came to collect me from hospital and was amazed I could walk out to the car unaided. The fatigue was the big thing for me really.  Gradually I could do more and more but I would still get the odd day where I was very worn out.  All good now though. Sending you hugs.

Hi Nina,

I think you absolutely should have your surgery as planned. That will enable you to support your daughters in good health , rather than have your health deteriorate through delay.

You will in any event quickly ( the following day probably), be able to be supportive by phone, and within a short time will be able to give increasing support if needed as long as you dont overdo what your body tells you it is ready for.

Your continued health is clearly  important, and you are important in your own right.Looking after yourself is good for all of you.

You seem to have a good care system set up, so let them step up for you, you deserve  it.

Best of luck x