Apologies in advance if I offend anyone with this post, but I need to vent out loud to people who will understand.
I’m fed up with being told that I’m ‘brave’ and ‘strong’ and ‘amazing’. I’m none of those things. I’m a 47yo married mother of 3 who’s life has been ripped apart by this.
I know people mean well and are being supportive and trying to be positive, but it’s enough. I’m in hospital recovering from my second major operation in less than a year. I’ve had chemo, radiotherapy and multiple infections that have put me in hospital. I’m not brave, I’m trying to survive! I don’t want to die, that’s not strong that’s normal.
Maybe it’s because I’m not crying all the time, but that’s just masking. My husband and I cry plenty in private. I have plenty of emotional moments with my children. But with my friends and my extended family I don’t want to be raw like that because I know they won’t know what to say and I don’t want to make things uncomfortable. I wouldn’t know what to say if it was reversed. Maybe I should show this weaker side and I’ll get less ‘you go girl!’ type comments.
Im being flooded with love and concern which is amazing, and I’m so grateful to have a strong support network around me, but the mask is going to have to drop. This operation has hit me hard and I don’t think I can keep being positive.
Hi Elikaye welcome to the forum and you will not offend us on here as we all have big shoulders and thick skin. However, I hope it helped to get that out. You do what you have to do and be how you need to be to get through this on your own terms and no-one else. I heard a saying many years ago and i still think its relevant now "its ok not not to be Ok". So please remember that. xx
gail
