Vulva Cancer and treatment

I can't describe the feeling when the oncologist tells you the already diagnosed vulva cancer has spread is also in two pelvic  lymph nodes and is no longer classed as curable. But I was prepared to do whatever it took to give me the best chance of survival for as long as possible. I had been scheduled to have a radical  vulvectomy, but now they said it wouldn't be done. Instead it was fast track into chemotherapy. I had two different chemo drugs on a 21 day cycle. I knew it would make me ill, but I wasn't prepared for the joint pain. Already having osteoarthritis, I thought I knew maximum joint pain, but omg this was on a new level. For the second cycle I upped my Tramadol and did cope much better. After the third cycle I was told my body has responded brilliantly to the chemotherapy and now radiotherapy was also  to be introduced. I had 28 sessions of pelvic radiotherapy over 5 and a bit weekdays. Chemotherapy became weekly on a Monday before that days radiotherapy. I seemed to cope quite well until about the fourth week. My groin skin broke down, my Vulva was so sore, I had Piles, pain on urinating, became incontinent and had the most vile smelly puss oozing out of my wounds. I've never known pain like it. The only place I wasn't in pain was in the bath, I'd sit for hours in a salt bath, constantly topping up if it got too cold, but couldn't have it very warm as my wounds were like open burns. But by 3-4 weeks after the treatment, the wounds had all healed. I've had to learn to live with side effects of the treatments. I'm deaf now as the Platinum in the Chemo has destroyed all the hairs inside my ears, but hearing aids help. I used to have a brilliant memory, now my short term memory is awful. I'm still incontinent at times and suffer from urgency to both urinate and defecate, but if I know I'm going to be away from a toilet I wear a pad, I have a radar key to allow me access to disabled toilets and a "can't wait" card which has allowed me to use staff toilets in places where there are no public toilets. I have vaginitus despite using the hard plastic penis replica things, so penetrative sex hurts and sometimes makes me bleed. I get very very tired very quickly and some days it's a struggle to get out of bed at all. But you know what? I'm still alive! It's two years now since my treatment and I know I'll need chemotherapy again at some point, but it is worth it. I'm now a different me to the me before cancer and treatment, I've needed counseling to help me to get used to the new me, the new way of life! But it is still life and I'm glad I put myself through the treatment to enable myself to have as much time as possible.