Cup for my mum

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Hello everyone 

I joined in the hope of any advice on behalf of my mum who is 80. 
last year in October mum was unwell and tested positive for Covid, she had the cough etc. 

she got quite unwell and went to hospital where they did various tests and chest xray, where they found a incidental finding in the lung. 
mum was kept in as she also had c diff and low potassium. 
the following day mum had a ct scan which confirmed there were 2 lesions in her lung , one larger one in the lower lobe and smaller one in the upper lobe ( same side)

this was a shock as mum is a non smoker , not been around smoke as in at home & not in a workplace with any chemicals , asbestos, dusts etc. 

I was sure they must be wrong, but a biopsy confirmed it is cancer. But not a lung cancer.. 

in 2006 mum had cancer in her womb and had a full hysterectomy followed by radiotherapy and had the all clear. 
The cancer in mums lung suggests it’s from gyne, or poss upper gi, maybe colon. 
nothing else lit up on the pet/ct. 

so they are baffled as to where this has come from as 17 years is a long time for it to have come from the previous cancer. 

They told us chemo , radiotherapy, immunotherapy will not help mum , only make her worse. 
And it’s a no to surgery.

The large tumor is a high grade and the other moderate. 

im not really sure what I’m asking, but I feel so helpless that not much can be done , and I know at 80 mum has had a full life but this seems such an unfair ending. 
mum doesn’t want to suffer or go to a hospice and is losing weight at 1kg every other week at clinic weigh ins. 
she’s struggling with swallowing, and coughing all the time. 

what can we do? Do we ask for a trial drug maybe? Or allow her what time she has to do some things she may want to do? 
I am happy to give up my job to care for her if I need to but also not sure I’m strong enough to deal with that. She is my best friend. 

Thank you for reading 

  • Hi  

    I’m sorry you haven’t received any replies yet, as I directed you here from your initial posting.

    It’s very difficult to say what would be possible in terms of treatment for your mum when everything appears to have been ruled out. Trials typically have a lot of factors to be taken into account to be able to qualify to participate, so it’s unfortunately not as simple as just asking for a trial drug. Normally there are strict criteria to satisfy, and the process can take some time.

    Have you been able to have a full discussion with your mum’s doctors to ensure you are all quite clear on why treatments have been ruled out? Have you been directed to resources for palliative care to manage any pain and symptoms? it’s a big decision to give up your job to be her carer, so it might be worthwhile exploring all the options available to have care for your mum at home for example if that’s what she would want. I’d recommend calling the support line-the number is in my signature, as they can give you advice on who to approach.

    This is a very tough thing to come to terms with, and we can often assume there must be something that can be done. I’d encourage you to talk to your mum and ask if there are things she’d like to do that are possible now. I’ve been in the position of caring for my own mum at the end and it was really hard, but I’m glad I was there. I made her anything she wanted to eat, even a tiny portion, and just sat and talked with her. I’m glad I had the chance to do this but I was in the position of being able to as I didn’t work. 

    You might want to connect with others in your situation with a close relative, so it might be worth posting in a couple of other groups-

    Family and Friends

    Supporting Someone with Incurable Cancer

    While the members there may not have exactly the same situation as you find yourself, they will be able to identify with the emotions and feelings when caring for someone and you might not feel so alone. 

    I hope this helps a little, and remember that it’s important to take care of yourself too going through this. Please take care.

    Sarah xx

    Community Champion Badge

    Cervical Cancer Forum

    Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm

  • Thank you Sarah, yes unfortunately we have discussed why treatment and surgery isn’t an option. 
    I understand about the Trial drugs now also and I dont think mum would qualify due to her health deteriorating very fast. 
    Thank you , I will join the support group you mentioned above , and thank you for the reply. 
    I will 100% be there for mum, and give up my job if I have to, but will definitely explore every option for support also. 

    Take care & thanks again.