Post op

Hi

I’m so sorry. It’s heavy going this cancer milarky but you have to prioritise yourself a bit now. Talking really helps, reach out but don’t be hard on yourself, you’ve been through a lot with a lot more to come but you got this. Be strong, treat yourself like you would your closest friend and take each day at a time. 
Here for you if I can do anything xxx

Hi. 

My diagnosis came on 1st of March 22. The whole treatment ended in February 23.

I will share my thoughts with you. Everything is different after diagnosis, and most likely it will not go back to how it was before, hence I am trying to adjust to the new normal and not to think about how lovely it was before. 

It is hard, but rest assured it will get better with time. 

For months after first surgery cancer was on my mind ALL THE TIME. The grieve for what I lost was immerse.

But time healed this sadness and every month it gets better. 

I am sorry I might sound a bit harsh, that's not what I intended, but just wanted to give you hope it will get better.

All the best xx

One of the symptoms of hypothyroidism or losing your thyroid is depression and as the Levothyroxine can take up to 6 weeks to kick in, this might be responsible for how you are feeing @d.m so don't be too hard on yourself.  Also the anaesthetic is a depressant and needs to work its way out of your body so give yourself time to recover, cry if you need to and hopefully things will smooth out for you eventually x

If it's any help I feel exactly the same so it's certainly not all in your head. I'm 5 months post op. I underestimated the whole damn thing, especially the emotional side. Always been pretty strong and steady and got through tough situations but now I know they were nothing compared to this! But I'm learning it's usual to feel like this. Like you, I feel it all; anger at missed diagnosis, relief it was diagnosed eventually, why me, grief at the loss of my 'normal' life, exhaustion dealing with pain, isolation, sadness that family expect me to be “better” by now and of course guilt because others have it a lot worse.

I've got to the point now where if anyone asks if I'm okay, I just say “fine” because I've realised that's really what they want to hear now. I hide how I really feel, cry most days but quietly on my own.

Like IsabellFel said, I think about it every day.

Despite best efforts, the only people who fully understand are the people who have gone through this themselves, so it's good you're on the forum there's some very experienced people on here. Do get in touch with a Macmillan counsellor, it helped to talk to someone who wasn't close to me.

As Petal66 said, my thyroxine levels were incredibly low on first check, so had my first dose change a month ago (although I don't feel any changes yet) that's really helpful advice.

I've learnt that even just on the thyroid forum, everyone's diagnosis, treatment, recovery and personality is so different that it's hard to compare but I still find other people's experiences have helped me, even if it's just to know you're not going through these things alone. For me personally, it sometimes also gives me a reality check of how truly awful things are for others and to be grateful I'm still here today for my lovely daughter.

I'm sorry if this honest reply might not really be what you want to hear in terms of immediate help for how you feel but I hope it helps to know other have felt the same and you're not alone with it. I take strength from the comments that it gets better to deal with given time. I so hope it will for you (and for me too!) x

Sorry to hear you are still feeling this way after 5 months we are all different, and while I have down days too mainly I am feeling ok, but have also had my moments.  I think getting the right balance of medication is going to help a lot and from the people I talk to I think the more out of balance it is, the worse they feel, thankfully mine has been ok right from the start, but I was on Levothyroxine at a lower dose for 2-3 years beforehand due to hypothyroidism so maybe that is why I have adjusted better.  I cried a lot before I was diagnosed and am usually quite a strong person too, and it seemed irrational that I was so upset but now I know why and I was weepy for a while after my operation but that is to be expected.  I still have ongoing issues and if I let it it can get me down but mainly try to stay positive if I can, but it is good to go and have  that cry and by yourself if that helps @k9crazy.

Thank you for your reply Petal66. I've just read your profile and I'm so sorry you are having to go through these on going procedures and treatments, I can only imagine how you must feel. I feel bad I'm whinging about my stuff and you're kind enough to reply, even though you're going through all that. You're very generous. Thank you x

Never let it stop you from feeling how you are feeling, your feelings are very valid and real too.  I was the same at first and felt so bad for some of the experiences I read of others and never thought I would be going down this road, but unfortunately I am and have to deal with it.  They are on top of things and I am starting on TKI tablets shortly when they see whether I am ok after Radiotherapy so I feel well looked after and try to stay positive.  Hormones play havoc with us anyway and we have a lot to deal with so never think you should not ask for advise or air your concerns or just wish to talk to others going through similar to you x

Thank you.

I do have some concerns with some after effects of the neck/chest dissection that I don't feel are being addressed and get me down, so thanks to your kind words I may try posting them on here and see if anyone has experienced the same.

I'm glad you feel well looked after and are able to stay feeling mostly positive. You're in my thoughts now and I wish you well x

I had TT and central and rh side neck dissection and it felt weird for months, sort of tingling/smarting sensation.  I would sit and massage it on an evening to try and stop it as it was annoying.  It did eventually go, unfortunately the tightness from the dissection sometimes feels worse than others, but again massaging and moisturing twice a day makes it feel better.  Hope you are ok @k9crazy x

Thank you @Petal66 yes I've been keeping up the massage daily now but I'd be interested to see if you've felt this or know anyone who has...From the day after my op I've felt constantly strangled. Like something's really tight pushing across my windpipe. I was scoped right away, all looked okay and have told the consultant several times, who just says it does feel very tight and hopes it'll get better with massage and stretch, but it's not changed. It's exhausting and a constant reminder. This is additional to the expected neck tightness and stiffness. I honestly thought the strangling would be easing a bit by now. I've googled it to death and there's a few rare threads but of course they're usually old and don't say if it got better. I'm just worried this is how it's going to be. I did post early on after my op about this but not found anyone that really felt this. Have you felt this or heard of anything like it? X