Struggling to open up to family and friends.

Hi Del28 I had a different cancer to you but I felt the same way you do about family and friends.  In my case I just didn't tell them, to this day 9 months after surgery only my husband, my sons and a a few friends know.  I didn't even tell my mother or brother.  Like you I didn't want to be treated or thought of differently and I also didn't want to worry them.

Telling them would have made me feel worse what helped me was being on this forum every day connecting and chatting with others who were going through the same as me.

I couldn't eat either, I just seemed unable to swallow solids so I made smoothies and drank those and I had toast that I swallowed with a mouthful of tea.

The waiting for tests and results is horrendous and the only thing you can do is try and keep busy with things and distract yourself. Do whatever you enjoy doing even if its binge watching box sets.  I also found getting outside and going for a walk really helpful.

Pretending everything is ok and that you are your normal self must be absolutely exhausting so I would try and find a way of telling people you are not ok.  Work out what you need and do that and if that means avoiding people for a bit that's fine do what is best for you.

My guess would be that you're not fooling anybody with your 'happy, fun , jokey' act. Those who know and love you will see through it and probably be wondering why you're not opening up to them.

We each handle things differently. I would say that if your approach is working for you, then go ahead, but clearly from what you describe, it's NOT working for you. 

I told everybody - I even remember telling my dentist 2 days after diagnosis "You aren't allowed to hurt me because I just got told I have cancer and I can't take much more".  But I'm me, and you are you, and I equally know somebody who didn't tell her work colleagues (except her boss) and didn't tell her mother until she needed childcare support during RAI. 

Perhaps it would help to find somebody you can talk to who isn't directly in your life. The Macmillan helpline team might be a good place to start (phone number is all over the site - I'm sure you'll find it). Then once you've talked to a stranger, you might find it easier to talk to people in your 'real world'. 

One thing to watch out for: people say the dumbest things to people with cancer. So don't be surprised if you get told LOTS of utterly irrelevant anecdotes about somebody's auntie's neighbour's niece's dog who had some kind of cancer and was fine after they cut all his legs off. 

That’s a horrible feeling where you are, on top of everything you’re going through. I just told 3 close friends but I asked them to treat me as usual because I was trying to be as strong as I could and just needed any bits of life to be ‘normal’ if possible. It was the right thing for me because they understood if I was quiet and I didn’t feel I had to explain myself. I guess it depends on what’s right for you but to have some understanding friends and family aware if they can appreciate you don’t want the sympathy might give you the support if you need it? It’s hard to know what to do for the best on this journey sometimes. If you ever need to offload feel free to drop me a message and I hope you find the right solution

Jo :)