So, went to the docs 3 months or so as one of my testicles felt "wrong" had an exam at my GP's and the doc told me that he thought it was an epididymal cyst, and that it would probably cause no issues and may go away on its own, and that the "lump" wasn't on the testicle but with the pipework, i went away, but i still wasn't comfortable with what i been told, over the next cpl of month it didnt go away and so i booked in with a 2nd GP for another check.
went back last thurs for 2nd check, GP didnt even give much of an examination, told me he was referring me for ultrasound and id get an appointment in the next 2 weeks,
30 mins later the ultrasound clinic was booking me in for the day after,
went to the ultrasound on my own , popped out from work, naively expecting to be back at work in an hour, only to be quickly told that it was definitely a tumour and that id be having surgery for removal of the testicle as soon as possible, basically the entire testicle was one big tumour.
all a bit much to take in, and shell shocked, but had chest xrays and bloods done to check for markers and lung cancer and went away at the end of the day back to normal, my partner was on a flight home from holiday at the time of the appointment so was obviously shocked (if they hadn't sent me home with a leaflet she probably wouldn't have believed me) when i got home and delivered the news.
im in tomorrow for removal of my right testicle, just had the confirmation call from theatre.
im nervous of the surgery, but not overly concerned, its there, it needs to go, its going, get on with life.
im VERY nervous of the possibility of additional cancers and about chemo, etc, not least because im self employed.
my younger brother had a massive cancerous brain tumour and was extremely ill for a long time 7 year ago, radio left him with permanent debilitating illness.
i was very shocked when initially told, but that's got better, im also not keeping it secret, im not shouting about it, but hiding it wont change anything, better to have peoples support than try and be some super human rock.
im finding it very hard to keep a brave face, its almost like everyone expects you to be positive and and "yeah, you got this!" when im alternating between being very pragmatic one minute and the next being absolutely S**t scared, almost to the verge of panic.
and it seems wrong that i should feel like this, im getting treated ( very quickly) i didn't ignore the problem, and i know if you have to play crappy cancer bingo i could be a lot worse off.
my partner and family are more upset than id initially, (again naively) realised,
outside i look fine, inside im bricking it.
