I was diagnosed with stomach cancer in August after many many months of trying to get the medical world to take my symptoms seriously (that's a whole other story).
The cancer is right at the bottom and caused a blockage leaving me unable to eat and only sip fluids.
After a laparoscopy in August I had a feeding tube put in and was to start 4 rounds of FLOT chemo.
Because of the blockage I had major sickness which kept putting me in hospital so they decided to do a CT scan before I had the fourth chemo.
Unfortunately the scan showed that the chemo hadn't worked but there was no spread so they decided to bring the surgery forward and cancel the fourth round of chemo.
I was going to have a total gastrectomy but my surgeon decided a partial gastrectomy would be better as the cancer is at the bottom of my stomach.
I was so happy about that.
I was terrified of the surgery and was in floods of tears on the morning (this was at the end of November) but was reassured this was my cure and so I felt reassured and went down for my surgery.
I was woken up in recovery to be told they couldn't do the planned surgery as my cancer has spread and is now incurable. They checked the CT scan again but have said they definitely can't see it showing that the cancer has spread.
Instead the did a stomach biopsy so I could have the feeding tube removed but I was devastated.
I'm due to start palliative chemo next week and I'm mostly trying to stay positive but inevitably I'm sat here on this new year's Day feeling overwhelmed, scared and sad not knowing what is in store for me this year.
Was Christmas my last or will I see another one?
These are the types of questions going through my head today.
I'm lucky in that I have great support from my adult children but I feel so bad for them as you can see the devastation in their eyes.
I'm a 51 year old female with a very strong history of stomach cancer in my close family and I feel angry that my symptoms were not taken seriously and it took so long to get a diagnosis.
