Feeling guilty for being scared

Hi LauraJay

Your fear is understandable, and obviously related to the trauma of losing someone close to you to cancer. As someone with skin cancer, what I can say is that it isn't necessarily the end of the world. We tend to focus on the horror stories we hear about cancer, and the fear can become consuming, but in reality the most common skin cancer is not aggressive and does not spread, and simply lopping it off is a cure in 99% of cases. However, given that you have underlying trauma, I know that this will likely not reassure you. I would suggest you take the therapy to help you learn to cope with your fear, so that you can feel more comfortable in your skin. 

You could take a photo of any moles you have, and then take another in 3 months time, which will allow you to see any changes. Dermatologists also make skin maps, so you can see if anything you spot is new. Combined, hopefully these will reassure you that your skin is not changing. Finally, even if it is, the treatment is usually curative. You don't say how long it is since you lost your sister, but cancer technology and treatments are very well funded, and rapidly progressing as a result. 

Hope that helps

Caroline

Hi Caroline,

Thank you so much for your reply. I think what happened to my little sister has definitely had a huge impact on me even though it was over 10 years ago now. I still have flashbacks and nightmares and being reminded of her is painful because I can’t see her again.

I think also because her cancer was missed and tuned out to be so rare I think I’ll also get something rare. My main worry is melanoma I can’t even look at the freckle on my face I’m so scared of it :( I should be reassured the derm has looked at it twice and said it’s fine but since the cryotherapy it looks bigger and darker (only had it a day ago so hoping it crusts and falls off).

My nan has had BCC twice in different places and is totally fine now it’s cured. That was nearly 20 years ago. She is in her late 80s now. 

I just wish my mind would stop obsessing over this and listen to the professionals who tell me I’m fine but I can’t stop having panic attacks and crying.

Hi and another welcome to the online community

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister 10 years ago and I can imagine that this would make you very anxious about your own health.

I was diagnosed with melanoma nearly 3 years ago and hope to reassure you that if any of the doctors or dermatologists suspected for even a minute that the freckle on your face was a melanoma then it would have been removed and sent off to be biopsied.

After being diagnosed my consultant got me to take photos of my body, eg back, left front arm, right upper leg, etc and I then use these photos to compare my skin with how it looked when the photos were taken on a monthly basis. This might be something that you could do so that you can easily keep an eye on your skin.

Like you I have had cryotherapy to remove a sun damaged spot and had a blister for a couple of weeks but now there is nothing there. Hopefully, you'll find the same with the two areas that you have had removed, although the dermatologist did warn me that I might be left with a mark where the cryotherapy had been applied.

I think the main problem for you is your health anxiety which seems to be taking over your life. Could I urge you to speak to your GP about this as soon as possible as he/she should be able to get you some help. You may also like to take a look at this self-help guide about anxiety.

x

Dear LauraJay

Im so sorry to hear your story. I had a mole removed last year and then had further treatment. It was nothing compared to the depth of your story but, for me, it was a huge deal which dragged me down and it was all I could think about. 

What helped me was to be kind to myself. I looked after myself, ate well, went to yoga and surrounded myself with a small group of friends and loved ones who would listen and support. I also had the busyness of my job to occupy my mind. I have also had counselling a few times in my life which has also helped. 

Good of luck with your journey. Don’t forget we are all here to listen and support. 

Rebecca x

Hi Latchbrook,

Thank you so much for your reply, and I'm sorry to hear of your diagnosis, I feel silly and guilty for posting here when I know others have had to deal with all sorts of things. :( I hope you are doing okay now?

My sister's cancer was very rare so hearing things from doctors about not getting anything at my age, things being unlikely etc doesn't reassure me at all because it has already happened in my family.

I should be reassured by the dermatologist and doctors, none of them were concerned and I actually felt like I was wasting the derm's time the second appointment I went to but I couldn't help feeling anxious and needed to see him for reassurance, I don't know though if this is just feeding into my anxiety. In the end when he mentioned cryotherapy I was happy because it meant I won't see the things that worry me anymore, but the freckle has become darker now and doesn't seem to be blistering like the one on my arm. It's only been 2 days though so I don't know if it just takes a while.

Thank you so much for the guide I'll print a copy to take home with me. 

I really appreciate your reply thank you so much x

Hi Rebecca,

I'm so sorry you had to have a mole removed I hope all was well and you're doing alright. It's understandable it would be a big deal to you even if you've not been through it before, the uncertainty is so scary.

I'm going to chase some councelling I think, I'm 150 miles away from my friends and family so feel a bit isolated sometimes (though my husband is an amazing support). 

Thank you so much x

Hi

Please don't feel guilty or silly about posting, it's what we're here for.

I'm very well, thanks for asking. I have 3 monthly check-ups with my dermatologist to check that everything is still okay and, touch wood, it has been so far.

If you take a look at this information about cryotherapy you'll see that the treated area can darken in colour so this could be what's happened to your freckle. 

From reading what you have written I think you've made a big step forward in acknowledging that no matter how many times you're told by the dermatologists that there's nothing to worry about you're still worrying, so seeking some form of counselling would probably be the right thing to do.

x

Hi Latchbrook,

Thank you, it means a lot that there are people here willing to listen. I won't have therapy for a while yet and my anxiety meds will take a few weeks to kick in so I'm struggling a bit at the moment.

I'm so glad you're okay. It sounds like you've beaten melanoma and I'm so happy for you. I hope your checkups continue to give you good news.

I've noticed my arm lesion has also gone a bit darker now too so like the info sheet says it's probably normal. I'm just trying to stay patient now and wait for them to resolve, and keep repeating in my mind that they've been checked and are okay. The dermatologist I saw is a cancer expert and I in no way know more than he does! from just googling things, so I need to learn to relax and trust in the professionals.

It definitely feels like a psychological thing more now, though I've always been really conscious of my skin at least I know it well now and will be more alert of things changing, and of the sun. I've never been a sun lover anyway but now I'm definitely making a point to stay out of it.

Laura x

Hi

How are you feeling?

I'm hoping that your skin has now returned to it's normal colour after your recent cryotherapy. I know you were worried about the patch on your face but hope that everything's okay now.

x

Hi latchbrook

Thank you for checking in on me that's so sweet of you.

I'm not doing too badly. The patch has gone now. I have a few others but I'm trying to stay on the straight and narrow and forget them or at least remind myself that I've been through this before and they're fine. Sometimes I'll be reminded of it all and will feel the anxiety but it's not as bad as it was, at least for now. That might be the meds kicking in as I've been on them a month, but I can't be sure as it's a low dose.

Hope all is well with you. xx