Hi all, I was diagnosed with early localised prostate cancer last November, I went into denial after a couple of weeks, thinking I'm not having treatment so I must be OK. It wasn't until my first appointment in January this year when it finally hit me that I'm living with prostate cancer. I've experienced different kinds of emotions, fears and anxieties. My wife never spoke about it, later admitting that she didn't know what to say, I joined local groups to me and they have helped me a lot. Does anyone else experience their other half not knowing what to say, if you did how did you overcome this?
Hello Patz.
Sorry to hear about your situation. In my case, my wife was with me when I got the diagnosis, and we talk about it when needs be. But I wanted to tell you that in years gone by, when others have got something serious wrong with them, I haven't known what to say. It wasnt because I didn't have anything to say, more that I didn't know where to start. I held off because I was scared that something I might say would upset them. I wasn't as assertive as I am now.
How could I have been persuaded to speak up? If I had been asked if I wanted to talk about it, if I had felt comfortable, I probably would have opened up.
If your other half hasn't opened up yet, she probably won't do it voluntarily. Find a moment - a date maybe, at home. Ask her what she thinks about it. Ask if she's worried about losing you. Reassure her that your diagnosis was early and treatment is effective. Ask if there's anything she dare not ask... Giver the freedom to speak without consequences. And of course, there must be no consequences. Maybe aim to keep it short. If it opens up, so be it.
LemSip
Thinking about my family... Bear in mind my cancer was a step on from yours in that I was beyond the active surveillance stage, though still localised. I started treatment on the day of diagnosis.
I asked my son if he was worried or if he had any questions. He said, "I'll be as worried about it as you are." I accepted it as something that happens to men of my age—a one in eight chance. Why should I be the exception?
The advice from the oncologists was that it could not only be treated, but eliminated. I was okay with that. I decided I was going to do as much as I could with what energy I still had. My family were content to accommodate my fatigue, but life carried on almost as normal.
It is now 3 months since my SABR finished, and 7 months since my ADT (which gets rid of "All de Testosterone"). I noticed today that I am feeling considerably better than I was a month ago. The improvements are slow and not noticeable day to day, but looking back, things are definitely better. Through it all, my family treats me exactly the same as they always did.
I am sure that if I had been visibly anxious, they would have shown more concern, and they might not have known what to say either.
Please don't interpret this as me saying your anxiety is causing your other half to keep quiet. The very last thing you need is to feel guilty about feeling anxious! We are what we are. There is nothing blameworthy about being worried about the future. Don't you dare take yourself to task over it!
Balancing all the information I've read about this particular version of cancer, I convinced myself that this will not be the thing that finishes me off. This informed opinion was enough to subdue my own anxieties, which I'll openly admit were pretty severe for a day or two until I stopped thinking of the worst possible outcomes. You will get there.
