Hi,
not sure where to start really, i’ve never done this before but like a lot of people in my current situation i feel really alone with it all. My Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer last November (2025), the cancer has spread to his spine and lymph nodes. He’s been in and out of hospital ever since with infections and been really quite ill at times. He’s currently having 6 session of chemo over 4 months (on his 4th session now) and then i think he’s supposed to be on tablets after that for the foreseeable future. He seems to be dealing with it better than i am. I try and remain strong in front of him. And i have periods of being ok and then i just crumble all over again when i’m on my own. I think its been especially hard as he’s been in and out of hospital for the last 7 months and has been really quite ill at times. I find myself not knowing what to do or how to deal with it. For context I’m 33 and i already have quite fragile mental health due to having C-PTSD and the thought of losing my Dad is terrifying me it feels traumatising.
I know a lot of you will feel the same way, i just feel like nobody i personally know is going through something remotely similar to me at the moment. So its been really difficult to talk to people about it and how i feel. I want to be there for as much as i can but i feel my mental health getting worse the more i take on, me and my partner have been doing everything for the last 7 months. I just always feel like i’m not doing enough for him. Its hard to find a balance that feels right at the moment.
Hello Dorischaps
Im sorry to read about your Dad and how poorly he has been over the last few months and how worrying and upsetting this is for you. From my own experience when my husband was diagnosed and going through treatment, I know just how much this impacts our mental health. I also know that there are a lot of people on this forum who have been on this same journey and will understand exactly what you are going through. I’m sure they will respond in due course. You are not alone in this!
There are also a lot of people being treated for stage 4 prostate cancer posting here and I’m sure they will also be replying. When prostate cancer has reached stage 4 it is generally accepted that it can’t be cured but it can be treated and managed for much longer than ever before for most people. It sounds, too, as if your Dad’s medical team are throwing all the well researched and effective treatments at your Dads cancer to control the disease.
You say you find yourself ‘not knowing what to do or how to deal with it’. I think we all feel pretty helpless when someone we love has a cancer diagnosis , who we have to watch go through treatment that has nasty side effects and cope with our sense of a real fear of the worst outcome and having no control. However , you are actually doing all the right things! You are trying to be strong for your Dad. You are and have been giving him lots of support and your love and concern for him are obvious and he will know that and draw strength from that.
I once spoke with a very wise and very experienced mental health nurse. I asked him how he could do such a difficult job listening to the mental anguish of others. He said that this could only be achieved by making sure he himself was ok. He could only help others by making sure he, himself, was in a good place! I understood this as relevant to my own nursing practice. I could only look after my patients if I was physically well! So, perhaps the best thing you can do to help your Dad is to really look after your own mental and physical health? Rest, eat well, take time out for yourself to do something you enjoy from time to time, be kind to yourself 
.
i wish you and your Dad all the very best and hope that things will soon be looking much better for you.
