New to group

Hello Robbored4d7417 

Welcome to the group although I am so sorry to find you here. 

Sadly cancer is a couples journey and some of the treatment and medication (hormone therapy being one) can mess with your emotions, your confidence and your mental health.

Here's a few ideas for you:

* Do you have a "Maggie's" near you - this is a cancer charity where you can drop in and chat about your issues and get advice - link here - "Maggie's".

* Give our Support Line a call on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week) there are some great folk there who can help you through this.

* If your local hospital has a Macmillan Centre call in there for some help and support.

* How about having a new friend to talk to once a week - it doesn't have to be cancer - it could be anything but they are trained to help you - details here - Macmillan Buddies.

I hope the above helps, if I can do anything else for you please do let me know.

Best wishes - Brian.

Thanks Brian

I will I have seen a Macmillan centre at my local hospital. I give it a go 

Hi Robbored4d7417  & your wife 

as Brian says it is certainly a couples journey . We use our local Maggie Centre attached to the hospital and find them very supportive . Well worth a visit . It gives you somewhere to voice your feeling without being judged .  You can have personal counselling of as a couple .

best wishes & hugs 

Liz & OH xx

Hi liz & OH

Its all good information. I was not expecting or prepared for all the emotional issues after the op I thought it would only be physical. How wrong I am 

Sorry forgot to say thanks.

My head is all over the place 

Hello Rob, I really sorry to hear about your difficulties but a good first step is to acknowledge your problems and reach out for support. And that is just what you have done! So, well done!

I won’t repeat Brian’s words of wisdom but I will say that years ago I had a hysterectomy ( removal of womb). I no sooner had it done when I wanted another baby! Yup! My emotions were all over the place! My gp told me it was a grief reaction to the operation. I don’t know whether any of this equates with what you men experience? 

re your wife. Can I add the viewpoint of a wife, please? For us wives and partners the whole prostate cancer journey is also one of very turbulent emotions. We try to support our husbands through the thick of it but it really does take its toll on us. I have always said this is a couple’s illness. We love our husbands dearly but we are almost paralysed with our fear for them and our fear of being left on our own.we are scared silly of any treatment pathway and scared silly of no treatment. We are breaking up inside while trying to get our menfolk through it and also trying to come to terms with our lives as envisaged ( for us - perpetual youth, good holidays, enjoyable retirement, being totally carefree now the kids are independent etc) is suddenly turned upside down. 

in a nutshell ( pardon the pun) us wives struggle big time too and support out there for us is pretty non existent from the NHS .

i don’t know you and your wife or you both as a couple,  but, if my experience is anything to go by, she is not going out for an affair but is seeking a bit of friendship and off loading to avoid burdening you at this time with her own troubles. For example, Sidsmum (who posts here) and I  don’t live too far from each other. We meet up occasionally and swap and compare notes. We laugh, we talk for England ( not always about PC) and I think we both part company feeling that much better for being able to off loading  our thoughts, feelings  and experiences with somebody on a similar journey. It’s what we women folk do - right from the playground! 

I do hope you can get the support you need - from here in this forum and locally and that you will soon feel much better.. 

Hi

Thanks for words of wisdom.I have today had another conversation with my wifeand hopefully bit by bit starting to unbderstand each others feeling.

It's good to here from a womans point of view.

Today I had spoken in depth to both our adult children. 1 lives with us other away.

I gave them my feelings and gave them reassurance mum and me work through it

Thanks again start of a long journey hopefully with my wife by myself 

Hello Rob, yes, it’s the start of one particular journey among a lifetime of different journeys. I send you and your family my very best wishes for this particular journey Keep talking and good luck!

Hi Robbored4d7417  as the saying goes ‘it’s good to talk’.  Us chaps aren’t usually very good at opening up, but as you have proved, it really does help.  

I’m not sure this will help but I will try to help you with my experience when my husband had the  operation in February of this year. We were not prepared at all, the first 2 months were traumatic for us both. We became so distant and it felt like we were strangers. The whole dynamics of our 33 year marriage changed overnight! Not just the bedroom intimacy but during the day too. No cuddles from my husband as he knew nothing more was possible and retracted into himself. I felt lost, lonely and in shock and grieving for a past relationship. No one could have prepared us for this massive change in our relationship.

Roll on 7 months, still very very difficult but we are finding a way through and accepting a new norm. It’s so very hard. Talking is so important as there were many days it was total silence in our home. Your wife just needs to talk to her friends and I’m sure she’s not having an affair. My husband lost his confidence, wouldnt even get undressed in front of me. He’s much better now. He regrets surgery however like I’ve said to him we need to focus not on what we have lost but make the most of what’s left. We’ve had 2 holidays since surgery and I write this message sitting on a beach in Florida. On reflection, in some ways it’s bought us closer together. 

Much love to you and your wife. Keep talking, cuddle lots and embrace time together xx