Husband Diagnosed

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Hello all,

My husband (54) received his prostate cancer diagnosis 10 months ago and elected to stay on the Active Watch path. PSA readings every 12 weeks and he is coming up to the next MRI then biopsies.

He is asymptomatic and PSA levels are really good and not increasing. Lowest recently at 2.4.

His diagnosis came quite by accident as part of investigations inti his bladder following a kidney stone.

He is not coping well and from where I am observing, it is consuming him. He is not living with cancer, he is suspended by the diagnosis. I am a loss to understand how to help him as he doesn't want to talk about it or plan for if matters get worse. He has been advised it is unlikely to advance and if it did, the removal of the prostate would present a  complete cure albeit with the fall out from the removal with urinary and erectile function issues.

He hasn't told any of his family/friends and will not allow me to discuss it with anyone so here I am.

In your collective experience, how do I best support him when he will not help himself?

Best, worried wife.

  • Hi Sheba

    Yes, PSA really low.

    What was the Gleeson score on biopsy, I am assuming  he has already had a biopsy, and what did the original MRI actually show.

    He does seem to be suffering mentally because of this diagnosis, perhaps see what the next MRI says and then consider treatment to get it over with

    Best wishes 

    Steve 

  • Hi Steve

    Thanks for the reply. Gleason was 7.

  • MRI showed cancer in all four quadrants.

  • Ok well good that only Gleeson 7

    I reckon important to have another MRI asap as cancer seems to be fairly widespread within the gland.

    Steve 

  • Hi  I am sorry to hear about your husband but this group of people are amazing in their support as I have found over the past year.

    My OH didn’t want any family or friends to know either but I told him even if he didn’t need the support I did.

    We found out local Maggie Centre also amazing and they have supported both of us.  It might be worth suggesting a visit .  Does your husband have a prostrate cancer nurse specialist as they also are very good at giving advice especially when he is in a this frame of mind. 

    huge hugs to you both 

    Liz & OH xxx

  • Thanks Liz,

    It's very hard watching him go through this and him not understanding that I need talk about it after bottling it up for so long. It's having a detrimental affect on your relationship and there is so much distance between us now. I think I will have to access help without him at this stage as I recognise I can't go on as I am. Maybe the people I meet along the way can give me some help on how to get him to them so he can benefit from their help.

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  • Hello  

    Welcome to the group and I am so sorry to find you here.  I can understand where he's coming from and he is attending his appointments when they come up, but it's HIS cancer and HE's not sharing it, perhaps he doesn't want to worry you with it.

    Sadly Prostate Cancer is a couples cancer and it affects the wife/partner just as much as the man, however many men don't understand this - and if he's not coping very well - does he truly understand where he is with his cancer?

    98% of men die WITH it not OF it so at 54 he's got a long life left and he needs to "man up" and get on with your joint life.

      has suggested "Maggie's" - it's a great place and you could attend with him - Maggie's. the problem is getting him to open up.

    Can I suggest you call our Support Line on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week) I am sure they will have some suggestions.

    My thoughts are with you at this time - you are suffering through him being selfish and you do need to look after yourself. I don't know your husband but if I acted like that Mrs M would put her cards on the table and tell me either sort this out myself or we sort it out - but we can't continue as we are doing.

    Stick with us - keep us posted and we will see how he gets on.

    Best wishes - Brian.

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