Relationship problems after treatment

Hello Jed (Jed1 

Relationships with the ones we love are hard sometimes - we forget that it affects them too and sometimes we are so bothered with sorting ourselves out we neglect our loved ones to the point we lose them.

My best bit of advice is to telephone our Support Line on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week). They are a brilliant set of people and will have come cracking advice for you - they have contacts for relationship advisors and much more.

I am one of those blokes who shares everything - yes it's hard and sometimes when I feel low or I just want to cry but I am very open with Mrs M (and the Community) and I find the support is top drawer. It wasn't the radiotherapy that did it for me - it was the HT and not being able to "perform" but my wife understands everything as I am very open.

It's hard trying to find the right balance  - but with some help and understanding I hope you will get there,

Best wishes - Brian.

Hi Jed1,

Prostate cancer is a couples disease. Please, please, share your feelings with your wife. The old cliche, a trouble shared, is so very true. If you have a good marriage, and to be honest, even if you don't, I am sure having the support of your wife will make things so much easier for you. 

Let us know in more detail what your worries are now and this will help others to share with you, their own experiences and hopefully a way forward. When we are ill we tell our doctors what our symptoms are and now they ask "what do you want me to do" which to me seems odd. I always want to say, well you are the doctor, you tell me. But I see where they are coming from really. So let us know what advice you would like.

Best wishes

Gina

ThThanks Brian I know exactly what you mean about being open about things it could be because I am ex military that I tend to bottle things up and not opening up enough thanks again 

Hello Jed1 

I can understand where you are with those 2 words 

Jed1 said:

ex military

One of my best friends is ex job and he's been to places and done things that will stick with him for life. We all appreciate his service in the pub, and just every now and then he opens up to us - but he is carrying a heavy load!! Now and again when he is low his wife rings me and I find an excuse to get him out.

Just be open with your wife - a cancer journey sadly is a couple's journey and yes, we are men but we have emotions too - keep her involved, let her know just how you feel and she will understand.

As an aside I am starting to think we have more ex military Community Members on here than others - I hope that's not a sign of something!!

Stick with us - we are all here for you.

Best wishes - Brian.

Hello Pizza boyJed1 and welcome from a wife who is married to an ex services man so I know how difficult it can be. His training plus the official secrets act made it very difficult for my husband to open up and he does still suffer with PTSD as a result of what he has seen and done. There is an organisation called 'Combat Stress' which might help but also the Royal British Legion were a help to him. It also helped me to understand what he had been through but his problems didn't materialise until many years after the original incidents happened. It was a physical illness which suddenly triggered his mental problems and certainly having a cancer diagnosis hasn't helped but it is something which we face together.

Hello Jed1 

My hubby is also ex military.  Military couples have to get used to being independent of each other and while this isn’t a bad thing as such, it can reduce intimacy and communication. 
Speaking as a military wife, we are often a strong breed! I’m sure it isn’t too late to open up to your wife and she is more than likely to appreciate your openness and to respond positively to it. There’s even the chance to improve your relationship through more mutual dependency.  I’d say that the last six months supporting my husband in his diagnosis and starting treatment has made us closer. 
I do wish you all the best.