My Dad's Diagnosis - any daughters struggling?

Don’t ever blame yourself. The 2.5 years I’ve had the diagnosis I have felt lucky not to have any symptoms at all. It’s a sneaky cancer. I’m stage four with metastasis in the bones. I have no pain. I was put on HT immediately and will always be on it. My PSA went down to nothing. Take a deep breath and wait for more information. This community is full of carers of all kinds helping their loved ones through treatments. Don’t panic. Ask questions. On this forum you will find that you are not alone but we do (digitally) hold hands together in the hope we are going the best way. Welcome, you are not now alone.

Thank you so much Hearing the 2.5 years is even a relief. I loved reading your blogs too - hope the chemo is going well and your writing is such a relief keep it up. Sending you love and strength xx

hi I'm dale , I was diagnosed in January age 59, I'm on tripple therapy,  it may help you if you read my bio by clicking on the little arm  chair, I try and update once a month incase it helps people get a understanding of what might be ahead for them regards dale 

Hi Rosie,

As Mr U has said, don't blame yourself. My husband (80 now) was diagnosed four years ago, metastatic but just to bones and a psa of 1200. He can only have hormone treatment as has other health problems, but apart from that, I would say that he does not have any other symptoms from the cancer itself. However, it is strange that you mention the neck pain as that is exactly what he has been having recently and was offered palliative radiotherapy. On balance as the pain is only a few times a week we decided not to have the treatment just yet, as does have side effects.

The hormone injections themselves will make him slow down considerably and very much affect his moods. If you can imagine that a man has lived so many years with testosterone ruling his life. Let's face it, some men even belief that it can explode in contact with a kettle, washing machine, ironing board etc. Sorry, I jest, but you get the picture. Suddenly, after the dreaded injections, those little blighter hormones named testosterone start disappearing and you can imagine how these poor chaps must feel having to adjust to living without them. My husband even asked me if I could teach him to make an apple pie after two months on Degaralix!!! Those were things that women produced at the dinner table after a satisfying meal, not something he would ever have contemplated making himself. I do have to admit though, the first attempt was not that bad!!

Semi joking apart, you will soon get more advice from the great guys and partners here, who will be able to give you more information about their journeys. Whatever you do, stay on this site and stay away from Dr Google, not a good place to visit.

Sweet dreams

Gina

Thank you - hope your chemo treatment to goes well and you take all the rest u need x

Hi Rose. I can really relate to what you're going through and just want to send you the biggest hug. I'm the daughter of a wonderful dad who was diagnosed with metastatic prostate cancer at 64, in September 2023. His initial PSA was over 700.

Like your dad, he didn't have any obvious symptoms - just back pain that he'd been struggling with for a few months. He's always had back issues on and off throughout his life and he saw the GP, but nothing major was picked up at the time. It wasn't until he started struggling to walk one day that he went to A&E and that's when we got the diagnosis. The cancer had spread to his spine and was compressing his spinal cord, so he needed urgent treatment in hospital. Thankfully, he's regained his mobility, is back to driving and most importantly, can walk himself to the pub again! :-)

Apart from the back pain, there were no other clear signs, which does make it all the more frightening. Please don't blame yourself - it's so common at the age to write off aches and pains as ordinary, even I thought my dad had just pulled his back out.

If it helps, my dad started on the hormone injections straight away, and a couple of months later had 8 rounds of chemo. We were really worried about how he'd cope, but he handled it very well. In fact, the side effects were milder than we feared and he even managed to keep all of the hair on his head (though to be fair, there wasn't a huge amount left to lose!) :-) 

I remember looking into triplet therapy early on - it looks really promising and can be very effective I understand. In our case, his oncologist opted for chemo alongside hormone therapy to start and mentioned wanting to keep some treatments "in reserve" in case they're needed later on.

Please know you're not alone in this, and remember to take care of yourself too - I remember how overwhelming everything felt in those first few months. Thinking of you and your dad and sending lots of love and strength.

Skye xx

Ah! This did make me chuckle - I really didn’t think of any side effects from the testosterone being blocked, although my dad does joke about the side effects so I’m hoping any form of cooking is one! Thank you for making me smile x

Hey Skye thank you for ur message ️ so lovely to even hear ur dad is still fabulous in 2025! It’s so scary because it does feel like a real silent creeping illness. I’m hoping my dad will chose to start the chemo in a few months to(after my wedding) but I’m so glad to hear your dads still active - hope everything goes as smooth as possible for you all and you and your dad can continue to be fabulous for longer to come xx

Good morning Rose8701 and welcome from a wife whose husband was diagnosed with advanced metastatic prostate cancer in July 2020 at the age of 76 and is still going strong. You have been given some great replies but I would like to add a little bit about the Triplet Therapy. There have been trials to assess how effective the different elements of it both individually and in combination are, plus the timing of when they should be administered. The most effective combination in terms of holding the cancer at bay for the longest time seems to be to start with the hormone injection and then to start chemotherapy within 12 weeks. The hormone tablets should be started concurrently with the chemotherapy and no later than one week after starting chemo but should not be started before. The theory is that the cancer cells are hit the hardest with the initial radical treatment and this increases how long it remains effective for.

https://www.clinical-genitourinary-cancer.com/article/S1558-7673(24)00002-8/fulltext

The hormone therapy does put the cancer into hibernation for a while but it is things like chemotherapy and radiotherapy with kill it. The chemotherapy affects people in different ways and there is no way of predicting what side effects your dad might experience but to help you understand what can happen I will explain how it effected my husband. He felt very well on the day of the infusion and for 2 days afterwards (probably due to the steroids which are given with the chemotherapy). He then had 3 days when he was very tired and achy with flu like symptoms. Days 6 to 9 of the 3 week cycle things improved and from day 10 everything was back to normal but the fatigue did build up the more cycles he had. We organised activities during week 3 of each cycle but were careful in crowded places because of the risk of infection and avoided anyone with bugs. Your dad needs to discuss what the consequences of delaying chemotherapy might be on his long term outcome with his oncologist. The doctors are normally very good at arranging appointments for treatment around important events and life does carry on during it.

There are going to be some practical things that you can help your dad with whilst he is undergoing treatment but more of that later when you know what is happening.

There is nothing to blame yourself for, your dad is an adult. It might be an idea if you suggest he joins the forum himself as we can give him an idea of what to expect as well as providing support or understanding of how the cancer might affect him and more importantly where to get help if he needs it. It is a frightening time for everyone and it sounds like your dad has been trying to protect you but maybe by letting him know that you are wanting to understand what the treatments involve and help him through it then he might discuss it with you. Ask whatever you like and we will try and help.