Its seems harder to get over this than through it

I am interested that your counsellor terms the effects are similar to PTSD and grief. Living with someone who has severe PTSD from his time in the special forces has given me an insight into the debilitating effects it can have on all aspects of life. He was lucky enough to have cognitive therapy but it did take many sessions to work through it. Do you think that you would benefit from further sessions yourself? If you do, then why not pm Millibob who might be able to signpost you to additional help.

What you are going through is unfair on both of you but us wives are a resilient bunch. I have certainly found that I have an inner strength that has helped pull us both through the bad days and it has really made us stronger as a couple. 

yes i am trying to arrange further sessions through Mcmillan and Bupa. The trouble is its like starting again. I really was not expecting this to happen this way. I seemed to deal with diagnosis and treatment way above any level i would have had me down for. I would normally be a very anxious type but i took it in my stride until after the event now i feel i run straight in to the wall at full speed. I have been lucky and happily married for 38 years now and never regretted a day. What i found interesting with my counsellor was she was adamant this was not depression ( at least not yet). It sure feels like it. You are right it is so unfair on both of us and because i try to think of my wife's feeling as well it just makes it even harder and the tendency is to put on the false smile and say i am ok. But she sees through that one. Strangely i seem to have picked up on some inspiration from a most unlikely source.

Gavin

Thanks brian, i am arranging extra sessions with a counsellor , this really has caught me on the hop. I never expected this. Just about all of what you say is there in some way shape or form some stronger than others some just doubts some big worries. I am so grateful to my oncology team as the physical results have been stunning psa 27.4 down to 0.02. I took the 39 episodes of radiotherapy very well as physically it was not that tough but boy the psychological effects are draining. I am touched by all the responses and they all mean so much i am glad i posted. Gavin 

Hi Gavin.

I don't know who organised your first set of sessions but my husband's were pushed through by his GP with a psychotherapist.

Whilst you were undergoing treatment you had a whole team of people pushing you through and you tend to run on adrenaline. Suddenly this support disappears when the first round of treatments finishes and you feel as if you have been left on your own to get on with things. It is a big let down plus you have the emotional baggage from the hormone therapy. Depression, I have been through that with my husband as well when he had a complete mental breakdown, and this then triggered the PTSD, but we had to get the depression under control with medication before he could have the psychotherapy, so yes there is a difference but I think it is a fine line and one which we are still carefully negotiating many years later. Your consolation is that you have an end goal for stopping hormone therapy, after which your testosterone levels should increase and you should get back to some level of normality.

Hello Gavin

Thanks for your reply - we are all here for you.  I am 2 years down the HT journey with another year to go, My PSA isn't as low as yours (only 0.436) but I am getting there. Once you complete your Radiotherapy it's a lonely journey but as a Community we are here for each other.

My advice - you are on that "Curative Pathway" - stick with it - think about the end - testosterone returning and some form of "normality" returning. Together YOU, ME, YOUR WIFE and the COMMUNITY can get you there.

Together we are a team with a bond - cancer - let's kick it's arse and all move forward together - we can do this, stick with us and we will get there - you are doing great. 

Best  wishes - Brian.