Control

Hello KJ911 

Thank you for the post and I wish you and your wife all the best moving forward. 

It's not a ramble - it's life and we all have a life to get on with. 

I went through life thinking cancer was something other people get, never seen the inside of a hospital in 65 years and bang - hospitals, diagnosis, treatment and here I am - it's a wake up call and shock to the system.

I am in that strange place where I don't know if I will ever by "cued" (I think not) but a couple of years ago one of my fellow Community Champions pointed me in the direction of "After the treatment finishes - Then What?". I have read it a few times and each time take something away with me after reading it.

I would say to anyone - "make a brew - sit down - and have a read" 

As for rambling - I do it most days on this thread in the cancer chat group - 

 Awake and up all night 

Kind regards - Brian.

Every word of yours resonates with me.

So sorry that your wife has had a setback as I know how much my wife and kids have been at my side over the last 3 years.Actually for approaching 50 years.

The ups and downs of treatment leading to the acceptance that I feel a lesser person than I used to be.

I get the occasional downer and no doubt will have more in the future.

I resent the fact that I can no longer function physically as I did but this would probably be the case in any event.

The rambles do help,both my own and others which just goes to show what so many have in common.

As I approached 40 years old I did suffer a period of severe depression due to a unhappy period at work and my belief that I would never get another job to support my family and pay a new mortgage,

It hit me like a bolt from the blue,but the point that I am trying to make is that through my eyes everyone seemed to be in a happier position than I was.However how many people hide their own issues behind a forced smile .When you open up it becomes obvious that so many others have their own battles to fight whether medical,mental financial etc.

Within a year I was offered a new job which restored my confidence and spent the best 25 years of my working life.

So what am I saying in my own reverie.

Keep talking which helps yourself and gives the opportunity for others to air their worries.

I hope everyone has one of their better days as the sun shines.

I am off crown green bowling this afternoon and it’s roast lamb when I return followed by ice cream and strawberries .

Life can be good but you cannot see what might be around the corner.

My profound thanks to the everyone in the NHS and my best wishes  to all.

A further point proven from the "After the treatment......"

Yesterday I had severe pain in the lower abdomen and I was urinating blood. The pain was such that I needed to go to hospital. All of the way there, my mind was certain this was a result of my cancer, or even worse, a new cancer! My initial abdominal examination did not reveal any "mass" OMG the doctor thinks this also. The results of the scan were ready, it was like ground hog day! However, a 3mm kidney stone. Pain like I had never suffered.

Having had cancer, you immediately suspect further cancer, a thought supported by my wife. Your mind is made up. This illness has such deep seated effect upon patient and loved ones.

Hello KJ911 

Thank you for your post. As you say my team tell me to report "any changes" to my normal to them.

I had pain in my shoulder and was give instructions to visit the GP as it was a rotator cuff injury - but like you my first thoughts - "it's the cancer!".

I assume that the 3mm kidney stone is being left to pass naturally? I hope the pain has gone.

Best wishes - Brian.

Hello KJ911

I can certainly empathise with you regarding the pain from a kidney stone having suffered twice with it. iI's excruciating & I'm told similar to childbirth.

Hopefully they will sort it quickly for you if they haven't already.

Best Wishes

Brian