Hi everyone, we are struggling as to how much and what to share with our 14 years old son. My partner (59 ) was diagnosed Feb 25 with advanced prostate cancer T3b N1M1. We first told our son that dad has cancer in May prior to his chemo. We didn't specify what stage but said dad will have chemo which will make him feel tired and unwell because it will kill healthy cells as well as the cancer cells. We also explained about the treatment how often ect and told him if he has any questions to ask us and not search Google. We said this would not change anything for him and that we want him to continue to do all the teenage stuff he does and not to worry...However since May he has not asked any questions and couple of times when we tried to encourage him to talk he didn't want to. Over the summer my mum became unwell and very sadly passed away unexpectedly and it has become more difficult to talk about stuff since. we were also waiting for outcomes from the CT scan in October and had good news that the tumors have shrunken and my partner will start radiotherapy in November. We are planning to tell our son about the radiotherapy but just wondering what/ how much did you share with your children especially if you are not on a curable pathway. I fell the last 8 months have been so difficult that I don't want to add any more stress onto him but i can see he worries sometime but wants to be in a bit of a denial. Thank you!
Hi, sorry to read about your problems, you may find the following helpful it's a support book from MacMillan on how to talk to people about your Cancer, I found it useful for my family,
Hope this helps and that your treatment goes well
Take Care, Tony
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Voicebox Cancer- Laryngectomy 2020 and Oesophagus survivor 2022
Adminitrative Assistant at Frimley Park Hospital, Cancer Support Hub
I am Steve one of the community champions and my experience of cancer is via my wife who has Leiomyosarcoma. Her cancer is at least currently incurable but has been stable now for quite a few years - we got to the point of learning to live with cancer rather than the alternative.
We have always tried to be open with our son and were also lucky to get great support from his school and that was quite helpful.
One time my wife asked him if he was ok and he replied "not really" - while of course we wish he did not have to deal with this too life gets in the way from time to time.
Something we found quite useful was the book The Secret C by Julie Stokes.
We also took Michael to our local Maggie's centre where he had the option to talk to one of the counsellors there - sometimes talking to a complete stranger can be quite helpful.
Hello Zhenya11935efb
Well 3 Community Champions on your case - some great advice above. Thanks Tony & Steve. I can add a little bit more.
I have an 11 year old grand daughter and she's at that inquisitive stage always around our house and I am very open.
* On my diagnosis I said to her I was ill but you can't see it If you cut you knee you put a plaster on it and it's fixed in a week. with my cancer my team are making me better with medication and it will take time.
* When I had radiotherapy I showed here the machines on-line and told here the "radio beams (you can't see them) beam down and kill the cancer.
There was also this hand out Talking-to-children-20250612 which I found of use.
I hope the above helps.
Best wishes - Brian.
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