Feeling guilty

. I don’t know how old you husband is,  I was 50 at diagnosis,  you don’t need to feel guilty, showing you’re affected, show you care, I think you’ll be surprised, talk to your husband.  You will both be hiding concerns, he’s probably thinking like I did of the possible Ed impact, what will my wife think? The catheter will only be in place for a relatively short time, mine was longer at 21 days,  physiology it will take time, every time there’s the next blood test.  Be open, show no subject is out of bounds, your husband will need to ensure he grabs any help on offer, physical, emotional and physiological.  

I actually found this period has brought me closer to my wife, I hope during this dark time you will also find some positive. Take things day by day and I hope your husband’s surgery is successful 

Don't feel guilty for anything this affects you.  I often think that what our wives and partners and family members go through can be worse than it is for us.  They try to be strong and do everything and keep any worries off our backs for the duration and yet have all those worries themselves.  We can be quite single minded about treatment whereas the rest of you have to deal with everything including an overwhelming grief is how my wife described it right from the diagnosis.  I know my wife worries far more about my yearly PSA test than I do and starts worrying about the result weeks before the test has even been done. 

You need to take care of yourself as much as you need to take care of your husband and family.  It is a shame that in the midst of this coronovirus outbreak that places like Maggie's Centres are generally closed but ours is open for one to one visits for counselling so if you have one near you it may be a good idea to see if you can go and talk to someone - believe me it does help.  If you don't have a Maggie's Centre near you (it will be at a hospital with a cancer treatment centre) you may have other cancer self help groups around that may be able to help.  You have made a good decision coming on here so please keep in touch through your husband's treatment it is a great to have the support of others who have been through similar experiences.

Hi Purple one

Tge name goes with your emotions, sometimes up sometimes down, all the wives go through these emotions, it’s natural. My wife was so upset, it was hard very hard for her and I have stage four PC, four and a half years later she still worries and is scared about anything I do out of the ordinary, a cough a sneeze anything. It’s natural.

There will be trips to the hospital after he’s had the operation, plus maybe some effects after, he will be apprehensive about everything. But these people have been doing this for many years he will be in good hands. 
No need to feel guilty about anything, when it happened to me I just said it was my turn, I wasn’t happy, but it was out of my hands, I had my wife to look after me. So don’t feel down once you two have talked a little all will be fine, you will still worry, but believe me when I say he will come through this. So do your best to enjoy Christmas I always do ( like a big kid my favourite day ) and enjoy yourselves.

Keep safe 

Joe

You have nothing to feel guilty about. News like this hits different people in different ways. I hope you have someone you feel you can talk to about this, as well as on this forum? Good luck. No one is judging you at all.

I am so sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis. What happens after his operation depends on a whole range of factors that can differ from person to person. There is lots of literature about what to expect available from Prostate Cancer UK, as well as the advice available from Macmillan. But you shouldn't feel guilty at all about your own emotions. A cancer diagnosis is a terrible shock for not just for the patient, but for their immediate family as well. Forgive me for saying this, but you obviously love your husband and family, and I am certain that this will be a source of strength, even though there may be difficult times ahead. I wish you and your husband all the best.