Husband just diagnosed

You are not wasting anyones time. You are about to play possibly the most important role ever in his life. My partner has been there for me from the start and although we've had one or two issues I couldnt do without her. So first, take a deep breath and allow him to get passed his shock and anger. Just be there and listen and answer truthfully what he asks. Wait for all the results to come in(there will be lots of waiting for results to come) and go with him to discuss treatment options. Be prepared that he wont notice your love and support at first and may even push you aware. But it will come gradually that you'll be in this thing together as we all are. So come back and chat.

One day at a time 

My husband was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer in August 2018. Surgery not an option as cancer had already spread to the bones. Sadly he passed away last month.
From my experience I would say, when your husband asks you if you’re okay, be honest with him, if you’re not okay, tell him you’re not okay. You’re not being selfish. You’re allowed to be in bits too. 
Be there for him to talk to about it if he wants to, if he doesn’t feel like talking about it then that’s okay too.

He will really appreciate you being there for him even if he doesn’t tell you. 

Hi Lizzie

It is a big shock when first diagnosed, your mind goes all over the place.

Hopefully with a Gleeson of 3+4 it won't end up being aggressive, u don't say what the PSA is.

So presuming it's all low key and It probably hasn't spread to the bones then a cure is definitely possible.

Take one day at a time and when the bone scan is done he can go forward with the treatment, either surgery or RT.

Best wishes

Steve

The best thing you can do is go onto the Prostate Cancer UK site and read their pamphlets in the "Prostate Cancer Toolkit"  These are a collection of  pamphlets especially written for people at diagnosis and give a lot of information and explanations. You can either read these pamphlets online, down load them or get them posted to you - though that takes some time.  They also have brilliant specialist prostate cancer nurses manning a helpline every week day from 9 - 5 and I think Wednesday from 8 -6.  It is a free phone number - 0800 number so free to call and the nurses are absolutely brilliant.  My wife and I used them a lot at this stage as it was practically impossible to get in touch with my key worker at the hospital and so used them for all our questions - they are invaluable.

With this gleason score it is unlikely that the cancer has either spread or is aggressive.  Has your husband had an MRI to show exactly where the tumour is?  At my diagnosis with the same gleason score and a PSA of 13 surgery and hormone therapy followed by radiotherapy were both treatment options however after the MRI - which should always be done before the biopsy but I am still amazed to see many places do this post biopsy, it was shown that the tumour was at the margins of the prostate and pushing against the rectum and because there could be no way of knowing if microscopic cancer cells had escaped into surrounding tissue (even PET scans cannot pick up really small cells which have traveled into other areas).  it was best for me to have Hormone Therapy (HT) and Radiotherapy (RT)  This would hopefully mop up any rogue cells that may have escaped.  This was 4 years ago and so far PSA is still undetectable and - apart from being older I am living a normal active life - for a 76 year old - going to the gym circuit training 4 times a week - when C19 rules allow and when not doing my best with the equipment I have at home and going for long walks.  So as far as everything is concerned it is the "possible cure" as spoken about.  The HT did give me hot flushes, but they were hardly noticeable - I only really noticed them as they were going away as the HT left my body over the 9 months following the end of treatment.  Because I kept going to the gym and living as normal a life as possible all the way through my treatment I didn't noticeably suffer from mood swings or fatigue - of course not every one will get side effects, will not get all of them and the ones they get they may get to a greater or lesser degree.  The RT hardly made any difference at all.  I had one night half way through the 4 weeks where I was up most of the night passing urine but thankfully although they did warn me that I could have bowel problems - especially as the radiotherapy would be quite close to the rectum I did not have any problems at all. 

I know my wife probably worried and still does worry far more than I did or do now and every PSA test I know for weeks before she is worrying.   I don't think you ever feel completely safe again or totally free from the worry of cancer. 

Take care and keep in touch and ask questions when you have them whether it is on here to the specialist prostate cancer nurses or of the medical professionals you come into contact with.  No questions you have are silly because you are dealing with something totally unknown to you and in the hands of medical professionals who do have some knowledge and they should be willing to share with you in a language you can understand - so if you can't understand an answer they give to any of your questions do tell them you can't understand the medical jargon and ask for a simple answer in layman's terms.  Never think that you are wasting anyones' time.  They and us are all here to help you.

. That’s the best thing about this community, you can ask about experiences or concerns and never consider it a waste of time,

Take things step by step, there are differing opinions.  Younger men can be said are better going for surgery, older perhaps radiotherapy,  both have side effects and horror stories. Hopefully a scan will show it as localised.  Just be there for your husband, be open and honest,  

Hi you are not wasting anybody’s time. 
my husband was diagnosed the day after yours and is now waiting for a bone scan to confirm whether it not the cancer has spread outside the prostate. 
I feel much the same as you so I totally understand your feelings. I am still in shock and so tearful. 
I hope that we can support each other through this nightmare. 
stay safe x

Hi Lizzie

Sorry your husband had to join the club nobody wants to be in.......

We all came out of that room after diagnosis wondering what had just been said & what the hell it all meant! At the moment your heads are probably like washing machines going round & round wondering what if.  

The gleason score given is the grading of the cancer detected in the prostate scored 1-5 on two sides normal being 1 or 2. Your husband would also have bloods taken to measures his P.S.A ( prostate specific antigen) & as well as a bone scan will have/had an MRI. Once your oncologist has all the information they will be in a better position to give you the answers you need to go forward with treatment options

Take a note pad to oncologist meetings with questions written down as you may forget to ask or remember the answers as its a lot to take in at the beginning. 

This may sound a bit odd but personally I think its easier for the people diagnosed to deal with the diagnosis than the partners or family members. Yes there will be the initial shock for the both of you but your husband will do what most men do & try to protect their partners as much as possible by trying to remain strong....its a man thing .The reason I say its easier for those diagnosed is its like a team sport, your partner is playing & your on the bench....you can see whats happening but feel frustrated & helpless that you can't do anything about it.

 I wish you both well & hope your husband can have his treatment of choice, never feel you can't ask for help if your not sure of anything, that's what we're here for.

Steve

1. Hello Sorry to hear about your husband mine was diagnosed back in 2016 .His Gleason score was the same as your husband's 3 4 .The Gleason score relates to the cancer cells and how different they are to a normal cell...Your husband's score indicated there are more cell type 3 than 4  Type 3 being less different to a normal cell than type 4 .His total score is 7 .do you know what his PSA is ?My husband initially opted for active surveillance as his PSA was low 7.6 however after 3 years his PSA started to rise rapidly and he had his prostate removed .Some of the cancer had spread to nearby lymph nodes and because of COVID he was given a new(ish) drug Enzalutimide along with a homone injection every 3 months .He starts Radio therapy in January however his PSA dropped like a stone after 4 weeks on Enzalutimide after the prostectomy it had risen to 28 .It now doesn't register at all it is 0.000 which means the cancer is in a form of remission and the RT should cure it .I understand exactly how you feel it's scary and frightening and you don't know what to do .I cried a lot felt so alone, we have been together for 51 years and he is my whole life .Waiting for results of tests is a nightmare but over time you learn to cope and realise that the professional doctors and nurses are there to help and the new treatments are very effective .Once you know the initial results of the tests and if the cancer is localised or not you will begin to feel better if it hasn't spread then my opinion is it's better to have the prostate removed the sooner the better .If you opt for RT as the first treatment then removal of the prostate is more complicated should the RT fail .If the prostate is removed first then like my husband you can always have RT afterwards if the cancer remains and a cure is still feasible .Take you time to think things over don't think your wasting anyone's time on this forum I find it a source of useful information and very comforting .Every man's prostate cancer is different but these days there are many wonderful treatments available that can cure Prostate cancer and if a cure is not possible can treat the cancer and give many years of good quality of life ..It's pointless telling you not to worry but as your husband's treatment progresses you will hopefully begin to feel much better.I wish you and your husband all the best .

hi lizzie87  i was diagnosed with the same about 3 weeks ago my gleeson score was 4+3 , had a phone call from professor last week about treatment , i am opting for removal of prostate , my reason being is my 2 friends who had prostate cancer went for radio therapy a few yrs ago , they got rid of the prostate cancer but 1 died of bone cancer and the other was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer a few months ago so after talking it over with him i am opting for removal, i am 63 and very active but am still terrified of what this entails but i feel personally its the better of the 2 options  for me as the cancer is confined to the prostate , i was diagnosed the end of august through a routine blood check and since then i have had a cat scan where they found a liaison  2 sets of biopsies since the first ones came back negative and a bone scan that come back negative to ,  the best about it is i am not in any pain and fell just as i did 10 yrs ago ,  hope this helps you