Impact on sexual relationships due to hormone treatment

Dear Bluediamond,

Please, please, please do not fel rejected. Man's restless interest in sex is driven by testosterone. Hormone threpapy (HT) drastically reduces testosterone and the small amount of oestrogen that men produce is unaffected and becomes the dominant hormone.

I was on HT for 17 months. When I started HT felt libido slipping away. By day 13 I had no libido and no interest at all in sex. Inevitably that is very hard on the wife. Still, the stark choice is sex for a little longer or a husband for somewhat longer; HT does make a significant impact on the outcome. 

Also HT brings emotional and mental health problems in many cases. These problems also cause corresponding difficulties for the spouse. The spouse needs to be proactive in working for the emotional and mental health of both. Finding support is most important. Your GPs may be ignorant of the mental healrh risks; my GP was until she asked her brother who is an oncologis.

I hope this note is helpfull. My libido returned very slowly after stopping HT but it is not a patch on what it was. Prostate cancer is, sadly, a life changer for both parties.

Please seek help from a Cancer Self Help Group in your area.  The one I go to is the Maggie's Centre which is absolutely brilliant for all cancer sufferers and their families.  Everyone is welcome there and there are various courses and counselling sessions you can access from Benefits advice to yoga and relaxation to relationship counselling.  Your Maggies Centre, if there is one in your area will be attached and usually situated in the grounds of your cancer treatment centre or hospital - it may not be the one your husband is going to so check them out.  They are absolutely wonderful and we have a prostate cancer sufferers club that meets every Wednesday afternoons and the men go and have a talk from a medical professional and the carer's /families/wives and partners either have a chat with a cuppa and cake on their own - so a lot of moaning goes on (LOL) in another room.  The motto is what is said at Maggies stays at Maggies so we don't go telling tales from one wife/partner/carer to our other halves so that it gets back to the person concerned.  Once a month the carers etc have a meeting of their own where one of the centre counsellors asks them allhow the treatment is going on and if the y have any problems and then advises them what to do to get help or advise if they don't already know.  There are other cancer self help groups around so look them up on line and see which one is closest to you.  I would still advise you to try and get to your nearest Maggies because I have found them so good and professional but then I do not have aexperience of any other cancer self help group.  Before I moved house my nearest Maggies was 50 miles away so I only went there once a month  but since our move it is only 15 miles away so visit more often.  Your husband doesn't have to go with you if he doesn't want to just turn up and speak to them and have a chat with someone there I am sure they will be able to find help for you.  When you first arrive at the centre you are normally greeted by a volunteer but they will show you around offer you a cup of tea and cake/biscuits and explain the Maggies Centre and its work to you and find someone to talk things over with you - Normally there are 3 or more full time professional staff there and they will help you find the assistance you need.   If nothing else a visit to your nearest Maggies if it is a long way away would probably point you in the right direction to find help and counselling.  Just knowing there is a place like Maggies to go to where you can talk to other people in the same situation as you can be a great help.  You can also, of course visit your GP and seek help that way.  My libido surprising returned relatively quickly after finishing HT but it is different from the effects of the HT and radiotherapy.  So as fifer14 says it is life changing but we are thankful we still have a life as things could be so different.

Just remember your husband is not rejecting you it is the chemical effects of the hormone treatment on the body a bit like chemical castration.  He also has a lot to deal with suffering from the cancer and the shock of being diagnosed with it and dealing with the fatigue, lack of libido and mental mood swings, hot flushes etc of what amounts to a very bad menopause.

Hope both you and your husband get through this and come out the other side of this stronger.

All the very best to you both,

Des

Hi

Its like the guys are saying, the treatment reduces sex drive vastly, I know after three years, on assorted treatments, my interest in sex has dropped significantly and there's nearly nothing I can do about it if I want to live longer.

My poor wife 13years my junior, understands my situation but I know it is not ideal, as I used to enjoy sex a lot. You can get help and there is some medication out there that will help him, but he may be frightened of trying this talking with the nurses on here may help give that ago.

take care

Joe

So sorry to here about your illness Des, thank you so much for taking the time to share your story it does make a big difference.

Visited his oncologist today, thank you for advice, will contact my local Maggie centre

I am so glad he is still with me, and understand the HT side effects but psychological  impact trying to a just.

BW

thanks Joe for responding and sharing your story, been reference to ED service will ask re other medication that might help

it is so much to deal with at the moment

BW

Angela

Hi glad your libido returned slowly, saw oncologist to continue on HT see in 3/12

will try and get some support with this

thanks for response makes me feel not alone people out there who understand

BW

Bluediamond

Hi Angela

Glad your taking on board with what we are trying to put across to you. 

If there is one place to come to and chat it's here there are many wives who understand your problem, hopefully they will reply, my wife bless her, is my carer and I know it rips her apart emotionally, until people have gone through simuler they do not understand how it affects daily life.

I struggle from day to day to just put a smile on my wife's face, being so easy going, I do what I can when I can, they talk about quality of life 1-10 ten being great mine has been around 3/4 for 18 months, but I will not go down with out a fight. The reason I say all this is things will get harder, being strong for two people is very stressful, if you can try to take a break a night out a day away, something you enjoy.

Take care

Joe

I am in the same position as yourself. My husband was diagnosed January 2018.He is on hormone therapy injections and had 6 cycles of chemo last year. His Psa was 528 with a gleason score of 8 his had spread to the bones as well .The treatment gives him mood swings and sometimes I find it so hard to deal with but then I say at least he's still here with us. We actually go to counselling now arranged by Macmillan. We make sure we do something at the weekend even an over night stay which helps. I live each day at a time but before each review I'm on tender hooks but through this forum I have met a man who gives me the strength to get through it.Please try and stay strong and stay on the forum. Take care x 

Thank you for sharing your story really gave me strength knowing I am not alone.  My partner doesn't want to access counselling but I have decided for now I will access via Maggie's until he is ready

Great idea to go way for a night just want to feel normal 

Thank you so much  so much kind encouraging  words best wishes 

Angela x

Hi Angela so glad you feel a bit better. When we started this journey I didn’t know who to turn to it was like being in a nightmare. I turned to this forum for information and due to the wonderful people on here I soon realised we weren’t on our own. I have picked up so much information which has helped greatly. The men on this forum have to be admired for what they go through every day and when prostrate cancer is mentioned on the media they fail to mention this or the affects it has on family members.I feel like you it’s just nice to feel normal every now and again hence why we have our wee over nights every so often.Try to stay strong. Take Care Frances.x