Feeling so frustrated and upset but don’t know how to fix things

Hi Claudia

Sorry to hear of your situation but it is less than 2 months since major surgery. I think more time is needed.

It's good that he has initiated the councelling himself, that's shows that he wants to do something about the issue.

Does he have any side effects issues like ED?

Most people appear to think (including myself)  that after treatment you should feel elated/happy.

I can tell you that it's not always the case, I suffered in a big way mentally after RT was over and the worst part was not knowing why because u would expect to feel happy.

I did have some councelling which did help but I probably should have had more.

So show him this post and hopefully it might help him and to definitely to go ahead with councelling, preferably six sessions or more.

Best wishes

Steve

claudia good afternoon, I have just read your post and I feel i am able to comment, I suffer from secondary bone cancer which spread from my prostrate, I was diagnosed 3 years ago, and yes there was certain effects after treatment that leaves you feeling "less like a man" but the good thing is I am still alive. I couldnt have surgery because I was too advanced for any surgery so mine is un cureable. Maybe your husband needs to start being honest with himself, the surgery was only a few months ago so he needs time to come to terms with every thing that has happened, not just to him but to every one in the family. I believe that the suffering of cancer is not just me or your husband but also every member of the families involved who always seem to be forgotten. Time will be your husbands saviour, the advice an help he gets from his cancer nurse will be immense an urge him to embrace it, not do what us men normally do an put up this "macho-man" image. When you suffer from cancer you need to lose any modesty you have an a fantastic piece of advice I was given was always be honest with family members when it comes to the illness an its side effects. So keep talking to your husband tell him your fears and tell him your dreams an hopes for the future because he is one of the lucky ones who has cancer he has got a future. I hope this helps and if you need to ask questions feel free to ask as many as you like. Good luck Eddie.

Hi Claudia

You are doing the right thing as regards counciling for your husband. Cancer affects people in different ways, it has been known to break up families and friends, as the person who has the cancer can change rapidly.

Some people do not know the stress it can put everyone under, good or bad news, it is difficult to live with, although he may have been cleared , there will be a nagging thought in his head that it could come back, also it's why was it me, the anger and frustration of having this awful desease.

You will definatly need to be strong if you want the family to stay together, hopefully he may see the light once he has had a few sessions.

Take care

Joe

Hello Claudia,

So glad that your husband has initiated counselling that is a big step in the right direction. If you have a Cancer Self Help Group near you, especially a "Maggies Centre"  then I advise you both to go there.  Our Maggies Centre which is attached to the hospital which is our nearest cancer treatment centre is absolutely brilliant and they have what is called a meeting of the  "Walnut Club" for men with and after prostate cancer. We usually have someone talk to us from the hospital such as a radiographer, cancer nurse, oncologist etc to keep us up to speed on new developments in treatment and medication. The men meet every week and the wives, partners, girlfriends and carers also meet every week for a natter together with a cuppa and usually someone bakes a gorgeous cake and brings with them too.  On the last Wednesday of every month the carers, wives, girlfriends, partners or other family members also have a more structured meeting where one of the staff goes through what has been happening with them as regards treatment and health for both the men and their partners.  There is alsdo a gardening afternoon and you get to take home the produce.  Also, lots of courses there including a 6 week course for men who have finished their treatment which includes relaxation, fitness and diet.  There are yoga classes and lots of other things going on but anyone touched by cancer whether suffere, carer or other family member can just turn up for a cuppa and a natter about things at any time when they are open.  So do please go you don't have to wait for your husband to go you can go on your own.

Take care and allt he very best to you and your husband.

Des