Anger.

You are doing there best thing you can by ranting to us.

We k ow what you’re talking about, from the curative/non curative pathways and the forgotten histories and horrors. It’s just not fair for me nor you. So here is where you should vent your spleen.

Forgiveness is a way of getting over the horrors, but you’re still allowed to think about hitting the surgeons and his aids — because you can.

 Venting here will help you calm down when you get those meetings that are important for other reasons than the ones you’ve come for.

Vent here…

Take care AI985

Hi Mr U  and thanks for your reply. I just cant seem to think rationally at the moment as I bounce  between high, the new oncologist is kind and caring , to deep lows when I think of all the issues I have with my surgeon. I dont have the dnergy to put in a complaint , mainly because he will wriggle out of it, I know.

I did contact the GMC who advised me there were some potential issues around duty of care and professional standards  but Im not sure if I could cope if they dismiss my concerns. 

It is 4 weeks before my next PSA which the oncologists thinks will take me to 0.1 so she can do a PET. scan and starf treatment. 

In the early stages operatively, I thought I had got away with it, but I'd certainly pay back time now.

Just ask away here for distractions and support for those days when you can’t get out of bed.

I gave up on my chase for pay-back from all the crap I was put through by realising that some doctors don’t bloody think sometimes.

Which means you have to think for them!

Good luck

Take care

Hi AI985 

I think the time has come to forget about the previous surgeon before you do your head in.

You have a new specialist now and I think you're going to have some Radiotherapy or perhaps you have already had it.

So looking forward hopefully that will do the trick and you can put it all behind you.

All the best

Steve 

Sorry to hear about the situation you find yourself in @Al985. 

I know it’s easy for me to say but, sadly, clocks can’t be turned back and what has happened can’t be changed. Put what’s making you angry down in writing. Take your time and review it a few times before considering sending it off to make sure both the facts and the way it’s left you feeling aren’t hidden by your strong emotions. Then draw that line in the sand and try to start looking forwards.

Oncology is a totally different department and I think your oncologist is probably right with her curative statement. I was diagnosed with high risk, aggressive prostate cancer which had spread into my pelvic lymph nodes. I was told I was on a curative pathway. Early days and it’s been a bit of a slog at times, but the results from both hormone therapy and radiotherapy are looking positive and I’m almost back to ‘old me’…

Like you, my brother had a prostatectomy then, later, was told it had appeared elsewhere in his pelvis so had to have radiotherapy to clear that up. That was 15 years ago and he’s now described as cured.

Yet again the people on here provide the thing I need the most, understanding. It was certainly lacking from the surgeon.

I will try to work with your suggestions, starting with the writing it all down. I do not want to ruin my surgeons career but from my perspective he really does heed to know the things he is looking at through the robotic machine are actually people and not just slabs of meat.  
Al 985

Hello Alan (Al985) 

You know my views on this already. You can't turn back time - and you need to move on. You need to focus your energy on your new oncologist, your holiday and your partner. Life is good, you are moving forward, she's got your full details and you are heading off on a "curative pathway" with the prospect of an AUS being fitted to cure the final issue.

Retirement can be great - but you need to work on it. Your anger with your old surgeon is only natural, but control it by preparing a case against him - do it carefully, take advice but do it. Not only will this action help with your anger but I hope will spare men in the future from going through what you have been through.

Whilst you are thinking about your complaint, why not go online and self-refer to NHS Talking Therapies - your GP can help with this and it will help your mental health.

Take it easy - keep calm, but take the action necessary to appease your anger and to help others.

Best wishes - Brian.

Yet again you come up with the goods. I have discussed my case with both a solicitor and, who is going to get back to me on the possibility of taking on the case, I will not hold my breath, and the GMC. I do not won’t to ruin the surgeons career but he seems to be operating in the dark ages where patients do not need to know the facts and definitely do not need to be involved in decision making. But things have changed. The GMC have advised there are duty of care as well as professional standard issues and invited me to make a formal complaint. The problem with this is that my wife who has been amazing has said I need to focus my attention on getting through the treatment and stop wasting my time and energy on, in her words, trying to get revenge. I only have to wait 4 weeks for my blood test and if what the oncologists thinks Is correct my result will be over the 0.1 needed to start treatment

Hello Alan (Al985 ) 

Yes, I agree with Mrs Al985, you do need to concentrate on your new treatment, holidays and looking after the family but:

Al985 said:

stop wasting my time and energy on, in her words, trying to get revenge.

I don't see it as "revenge" - I see it as getting piece of mind and a service to others so they won't end up being butchered unnecessarily. I see it as "closure".

Best wishes - Brian.

For once I might have to go it alone, well apart from the support from the wonderful people on here.

Thanks again.