How to talk about end of life

Thank you. Thank you so much. Sending you love & hugs at this very testing time Xxx

Thank you so very much for your candidly honest response. It brought tears (good tears, this time). You look after yourself, too Xx

1. Thank you so much, that’s really helped Xx

Thank you.  God Bless both of you, too Xx

Hello Trixie. In answer to your question regarding the will - I tried the subtle approach and got nowhere so used the proverbial sledgehammer. We live in Greece and inheritance laws under intestacy here are different to the UK which could have meant that his estate would not have gone to those he wanted to it to but more importantly may have gone to those he didn't want it to go to. We also had to have a UK will to cover these assets still held in the UK. I can see that your situation is delicate and I believe that changes are being made to protect the rights of partners as opposed to spouses under the intestacy rules but I don't think the change has been made yet. I had to explain to my husband that having a will makes things easier for everyone, especially the executor, who can then carry out his wishes. Writing a will was not tempting fate, it was clearing up a bit of administration so that we could close the door on it and concentrate our efforts on living life to the full - after all you could have a fatal accident at any time.

You might find this link useful.

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/donate/gifts-in-wills/free-will-service

Skirting around the subject of death is a natural reaction but when you are initially told that you possibly only have 6 months it does focus the mind. My husband's attitude was -I'll show them they're wrong and he did but in addition to the issue of the will we also had discussions about what his wishes were for his last days such as hospice or home, but he became ill and died so suddenly that this became irrelevant.

One thing I did learn on this journey is that the doctors have plenty of tools in their toolbox and the body can take a lot if you have a positive attitude.

Hi TrixieF25 you have had some great advice already.  In my own experience the thought of my own mortality made me try and put my affairs in order.  Prior to that we had rather complicated financial matters that my wife had no practical idea about.  I felt it was my job (if I was going to leave her) to give her the ability to cope with the financial side easily.  We sold and gave away assets, moved and I have talked my wife through all aspects of our (now) much simpler affairs.  She knows who to talk to and how to do things.  I feel much better for doing it and it hasn’t shortened my life!

Obviously we are all different, but I would start a conversation to try and get him to understand what a mess he will leave behind and your own concerns.  A few simple steps could make a big difference.

We have recently had our affairs reviewed by a financial adviser. We live in the UK and so are subjected to ever increasing taxes as the impact of inflation and government policy means more and more people are being dragged into the tax paying brackets.

I think there are 2 very important things we should do while we can - make a will and set up power of attorney.  As AH says, this makes our wishes legally binding so that our assets go to where we would wish and things are less complicated for those we leave behind.

The questions really are- do you give away a lot of your assets to reduce taxes and care costs but risk penury in older age and, given the way our health and care services have been trending, the consequent minimum standard of  care in our twilight years? Or, do we hang on to our assets so we can afford to access the niceties of the more expensive care homes if we reach that stage? Or, do we bury our head in the sand and enjoy today and let tomorrow take care of itself?

i once was witness to a conversation between a bank manager and a newly retired person. The bank manager said that the best financial planning means that you spend the last pound on the last day of your life! But…what happens if you live another day?!! The million dollar question!

Yes Worriedwife I totally agree, those are both important aspects.  Without them you are not in control of your own affairs (before or after death).  LPA’s (of which there are two sorts required) are really important for forward planning.