Erectile dysfunction

I had very rare failed attempt at stimulation this morning to no avail. I’m still on Zoladex and will be forever but the mind is the other problem area. I am saddened by your plight but don’t ever give in to this nightmare couples cancer. I would suggest counselling of some kind for you both but thats not going to be easy. Patience is the virtue you will need in spades, your partner too.

Hi  AndyK  I agree with Mr U, definitely worth seeking couples therapy before you throw in the towel on your relationship, at the very least it will give you both a chance to openly say what you both feel. Of course there’s so much more that holds a couple together than just an erection, you are not the “failure” your relationship is going through a crisis and dealing with PC has possibly opened up other unresolved issues that need looking at. See if you can get a private ( immediate) appointment with a couples therapist it should help you both. I guess the problem may be getting your wife to agree to go? but if you approach it as a way to get clarity and a constructive way for you both to move forward and stay friends she may feel it’s worth going. 

Hi AndyK

im sorry to read this and, particularly, of your partner’s reaction. The ED is something we are struggling with - a year after stopping HT. we have been married for over 50 years.

we were referred on the NHS to urology. My husband wanted me to go with him but I half wondered whether he might have preferred to go alone. The appointment was very professional and dealt with the problem being for both of us as a couple. The consultant talked through all the options for helping with the ED - tablets, injections, pump . My husband chose the latter but, so far, it has not been particularly successful - a bit more ‘action’ yes but not sufficient.

However, there is more to a relationship than sexual intercourse - just cuddling up to keep warm in bed in the winter months for example! There is the beginnings of intimacy there.

we have also discussed the problem openly and frankly. That somehow makes it a shared problem and so a problem halved!

what really really hurts me, though, is when he thinks of himself as a failure - a term your partner is using! You men have been brought to this stage of experiencing ED by having fought off a nasty disease and having undergone brutal treatment. That is not failure, it’s bravery! The alternative - to not give yourself a chance of longer lives- is ‘failure’. I love my husband. He has been my soul mate, he’s steadfastly supported  me through my own challenges and will do ( and always has done) anything possible to help our children. We have had our tough times and fought through them together and we continue to fight this latest tough time together.  This is not failure for either of us - this is his success! Right now, you , my husband and all men with this same issue connected with PC therefore deserve us partners / wives to show our understanding, support and love!

As I said to my husband ‘You are more than just a penis!’

She doesn't want 'therapy' - it's all my fault and she just needs her new 'friend'.

That’s terribly sad AndyK I guess if she’s moved on with another person I would hope that she’s moved out as that’s the last thing anyone needs. What’s important here is that Prostate cancer is not your fault and if it does just come down to ED as the one and only problem within the relationship then quite frankly you are better off not being in such a shallow and limited relationship. 
It’s really disappointing when a man ( or woman) is viewed as what they can give instead of who they are. 
You are worth more. 

I'm not worth anything - she's made that clear. I'm now on my own....

You are worth it. Don't put yourself  down. You are going through  a tough time as we are.   Hopefully  you will  rise above  the negative  whats been said to you. All the best to you

Of course you are I think the main thing now is to get better concentrate on that the rest will get better and you will move on there are some great people on here so you are never on your own feel free to pm me if you ever want a chat and to offload mate 

Hi please do not let your partners dreadful negative comments bring you down.  You are worth far more than that - how would she feel if the shoe was on the other foot.  

Hi I’m admirals wife just like to say don’t put yourself down my husband had testicular cancer twice now has prostate cancer suffers badly with ED I have and allways stood by him he needs a medal for what he is going through you men are so precious and brave to come out the other side hold your head high and move on life is precious and who you have around you