I've finally come to a conclusion....

AndyK 1 month ago

2 replies
161 subscribers
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Hi everyone,

I hope you are all well, or at least coping... I know it's difficult - I've been there.

I just want to place on line my story - it's not good, it's not beneficial to anyone, but it's mine!

I was divorced by my ex- wife about 40 years ago - I didn't argue or fight because the marriage had been over for at least two years. I was presented with her 'case' in court - I stole money from our account (I was the only contributor to the account); I didn't take her and our family of two boys on the holidays that she wanted; shThe cam the night e had to look after the family bills, etc from whatever I left in the account (I had previously agreed with her that I could have £200 per month to pay for the higher education that I was engaged on...).

But, before this blew up, we had our second child - a son.. I wasn't allowed to visit her and 'my' son for three days. I questioned this several times and was assured that the child's father had been there for the birth... A big 'red flag'.

Things deteriorated from there - I wasn't good enough, she was too busy, I needed a new job to give her more money, etc

I stayed, basically for my two sons. It was hard as she had no investment in 'a family' and only valued her second son. Then came the night when she left the home at 21:00 hrs, saying that she'd be home by 02:00 hrs - she arrived at 05:37hrs - I know because I was waiting for her. She said she had been waiting for a taxi, but there wasn't one available. That was the last lie! The next lie was that she'd been at an 'all- night' cafe talking with her 'friends' - no such place existed at that time!.

I let it ride - I know I'm stupid, but who cares.

I walked out of "our" house shortly after - she divorced me for 'stealing her money' (I was the only contributor to the account) - I had been abusive (difficult when I hadn't spoken to her for months) and I had 'offered her violence' (this was based on her screaming at me " Hit me", "hit me" many times as I walked away from her - I did something then that I regret. I turned to her and said " You're not worth it!" A few days later, I walked away.

Then she 'hooked-up' with her long-term lover - My ex-friend Ian.

Now, she's dead from cancer, but the icing on the cake is that he died from a motorcycle accident... I'm just left with the regret that my youngest son was never mine, and the eldest died from pancreatic cancer - loving me, but hating his so-called mother. I just hope she appreciates the damage she did!!!

I'm now recovering from prostate cancer, but with very serious complications. My only son is dead from pancreatic cancer, my youngest son is 'living his life', My ex- wife is dead from cancer and my current partner does't give a damn about me. A perfect life - I no longer care !

Millibob 1 month ago

Hello Andy (AndyK)

I am so sorry to read your story - I appreciate times are tough and having Prostate Cancer isn't helping. I wish I could make things better for you but I can't.

Life goes on and I can only suggest you "don't look back in anger" - move on and tackle the challenges you have today.

No one can tell the future - people tell me it's what you make it. You know where you stand with the Cancer and it's complications - don't let that rule your life. Move forward, set yourself some achievable targets - little wins and try and have a positive attitude - we only have one life and there's plenty of life to be lived.

Christmas 2021, I nearly died, i have had 3 years on HT - it's been hard and now my PSA is on it's way up - but I do set myself targets and things I want to do - a holiday here, a football match i want to go to, a show or concert to see. I am 70 this year and I want to live my life to the max.

No one has a perfect life Andy, but trust me with a little effort you can turn your life round - I have done it once and may have to do it again - start with a few small "wins" and build up to bigger ones -

"Don't care was made to care" - you can do it by yourself.

Best wishes - Brian.

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Worriedwife 1 month ago

Hello Andy

I am so sorry to read your 'story' and of the sadness and loss you have experienced in your life. I hope that the treatment for your prostate cancer has been successful but, as it did with us, gave time to pause and reflect on where we to go from now in? The cancer diagnosis was a tremendous shock and brought us face to face with our own mortality and also the fact that at some point one of us might 'pop our clogs' leaving the other alone. We realised we have to make the most of what we have left and hopefully, you might be able to envisage how you can do that for yourself, now?

To lose a son to pancreatic cancer must have been devastating for you? I think we all love our children so very much and just hope we never find ourselves in such a situation. And, you say, your other 'son' (I'm aware of the history behind his conception ) 'is living his life'. Actually, this is right, I think. We give our children their lives to live as they see fit. Sometimes, in adulthood, they do things we would never have advised. Sometimes they learn a hard lesson and sometimes we are surprised and pleased that it has turned out well for them. But, our role as parents is to bring them up as responsible and independent adults so we shouldn't complain when they do ';ive their lives', I guess?

My children are all adult and approaching middle age (or should I say - joining me in middle age!!!!!) They are working under immense pressures, have mortgages, kids of their own etc. What time do they then have to dance attendance on us when we are fully independent with all our needs? I am grateful that they keep in touch, want to visit from time to time and, when the chips were really down, they all rallied around us and gave us the suppport we needed. Of course, they also know where to come when they are, in turn, in trouble!!!!

I really hope that you are able to get out and about and meet up with friends etc? For me, not only were our family a support but friends also did their part as we travelled along the PC journey. We also make time to go out to do things that interest us - even if only for a short walk through the village we live in or a coffee at a local garden centre (Gina/Sidsmum and I are frequent visitors there!!!) Even the little treats can bring gladness and soothe our frazzled worries!

Do take care of yourself and I really hope to read in the next chapter in your life that things have castly improved for you xxx

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