Hello

Hi Jamo

I am sorry that you have not yet had a response to your post but sometimes it can just take a little longer for someone who has experienced similar to see it and offer support. 

I am sorry to hear that you have had a diagnosis and surgery for your cancer and can understand your feelings regarding work and relationships. 

I wonder if it would be worth giving the Support Line a call later today and talking it through with one of the nurses?

My own cancer was womb and I did tell work exactly what type of cancer I had as we were a small, all female team. I also became ill at work so people were aware. For others I just said that I was being treated for cancer. 

With your work- I am not sure what you do but perhaps an option would be to explain to a manager/HR that you have had some surgery for penile cancer and that you would rather keep the specifics private. With any cancer, I feel it is perfectly fine to say you have been treated for cancer but prefer not to talk about it. I wonder if there is an Occupational Health dept connected with work? 

I understand your worries about relationships and maybe it is a case of just giving yourself some time to heal physically and emotionally from your cancer. I would imagine many ladies for instance could have similar concerns after surgery for breast cancer. At the moment everything is new and fresh and I know for me the processing of my cancer journey didn't really start until after treatment finished. Have you got a supportive doctor/nurse specialist you could talk things through with? I completed the Macmillan HOPE course online a few months ago and I wonder if it might be helpful for you. It helps process the whole cancer journey and to look ahead in life. 

Why not give the Support Line a call? Talk things through- you can ask to speak to a male advisor if you would feel more comfortable doing so- but they are all lovely on there.

Jane

You can tell people you have had cancer in your urinary system which is true and that you find it difficult to talk about which then hopefully kills the conversation.

As regarding relationships take things slowly it’s still early days after your surgery there is someone out there for everyone you just need to find them.

Robert

Hi Jamo, 

I would not worry about work yet, focus on your recovery and getting well, its a major operation and takes some time to adjust. I am hoping your workplace is supportive and giving you the time to sort yourself out and recover. 

With regards to what to say, theres a few posts on the forum, and I think its fair to say each of us are different in what we say to family, friends and work colleagues. The best thing is to say what you are comfortable with at the time and with that person.

I have found that most people I have worked with kind of feel awkward when you say cancer, and the conversation is normally brief and can be steered the way you want, I give as little or as much information as I am comfortable with. 

If uncomfotable I tend to answer by deflection, if they ask where, I say I have had several operations around the groin and talk about the lymph nodes more, deflecting away from the glansectomy. Others I have told exactly what happened, all have been understanding and supportive.

Be aware though, people may talk behind your back at work and sometimes people you think you can trust may have said something to others who may not be so discreet, only disclose what you are comfortable with. 

With regards to relationships I struggle to offer anything here other than to say that I believe there is someone out there for everyone somewhere, but if you dont look for them,  then you will never find them.

I appreciate that what you have gone through makes that slightly more challenging, but there are some truly caring, and empathetic people out there who would be totally sympathetic to the situation we find oursleves in.

Regards

J