Is ascites the beginning of the end

Mum didn't  have fluid drained as theres not much to drain. They also, said because her blood is so low there is a risk  of  her bleeding if they made an incition for the drain. She going to have abllod transfusion tomorrow and then they may drain the small amount of fluid tom evening.  Mum is so weak and she drifting in and out of sleep. She's also started to see things. Mum is  blown up like a big balloon and is 3 stone heavier I have a feeling this may be because her liver is failing.

Keep you posted

Emx

Mum went down hill quickly yesterday and sadly passed away.  She didn't have  any pain and it  was a relatively peaceful end for her.

Thanks to everyone on here for their support and hopefully in time I will back on here answering questions and sharing my experiences to help other.

Emmaxxxxx

Dear Emma,

I am so sorry for your loss.  My  thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time.  xxx

Dear Emma, I am so sorry for your tragic loss and I do hope one day you will be back on here, people like myself draw strength from your story.

My dad who is 65 also has pancreatic cancer.  I was drawn to your story because of the title.  It is the question I am asking.

My dad was diagnosed in Dec 2009 with advanced pancreatic cancer, it was inoperable.  A month later he had a stent put in as he turned jaundice, he was extremely ill and at this time we though we were going to lose him, but being the very determinded man that he is we did'nt.  Approx 4 weeks later he bagan chemo just like your mum.  He was doing well!  At the end of the 6 months he had gained a little weight and was then put on a further 3 months of chemo, again he was doing well.  his chemo ceased on 4th Nov 2010 and to our surprise we were told he could have no more, that was it!  I was devastated, I felt let down, they wer'nt going to do anything else for my dad.

A month later my dad started to become ill, he was in terrific pain and was admitted to hospital, was this it????  I rushed from my home town Manchester as my parents live in the Lakes (2 hours away) to be by his side.  My dad had a blocked stent, this time he recovered again but it took longer, but wow.

Then approx 3 weeks ago mum said his stomach area had started to blow up, its ascites. He can't tie his shoes, the simple little things he can't do, and he becomes breathless.  I know what this means this time.  I cry every day and I just can't cope.  I know that the phone is going to ring soon and that I will need to get there as fast as I can.

Before all of this my dad was a healthy young man, he loved walking, ran marathons, swam 70 lengths every week at the baths, ate a healthy diet and drank little alcohol.  He gave up smoking 39 years ago when I was born.

It has been an emotional journey for my family, and sometimes we try to laugh saying that dad is a walking pharmacy.  He very rarely ever went to the doctors before and would never even contemplate taking paracetomol for any sort of pain.

Through all of this though my dad has remained determined, he has never given up and I have only seen him cry twice.  It is a terrible time for us and I can only imagine what you must be going through, a mixture of emotions.

Your mum is in no more pain now and she can rest so peacefully, my thoughts are with you at this time. 

Hi Emma

So sorry for your loss.

My Mum's funeral was yesterday so I know what you are going through right now.

My Mum survived two months with ascites and swollen ankles but from what I've read that's the outside limit.

Stay strong and be kind to yourself.

Love Debra xxxx

Dear crystalshine

Your dad's story is similar to Mum's in that she was very fit and was a fighter. sadly she had a late diagnosis, only living 61/2 months from seeing the first doctor, and was too frail for chemo.

However she lived for two months from the onset of ascites so please make the most of your time together as I'm sure you are. For me it was a struggle as I knew what was coming, but mum was so determined to fight. She amazed the doctors and nurses 2 or 3 times the way she rallied.

Be strong for your Dad and yourself, he'll be glad you're there for him.

If he's accepted things try to get him to say his wishes for songs etc for his funeral. Mum wanted "Always look on the bright side of life" by Monty Python and she got her way yesterday. It brought a smile to my face as it summed her up.

Thinking of you and everyone in this situation.

Love, Debra.xxx

Dear Debra

Thank you so much for your kind words.  I am very sorry for your loss of your mum also.  It's a terrible disease with an emotional journey.

I have said so much to my dad and I'm glad that I've had the chance to tell him how much I love him.  He said he wants us to put his funeral together, but I'm just a bit numb in that dept at the moment, I'm not even sure how I will cope on the day.

It is sad also in the respect that mum n dad live 100+ miles away from us, difficult with school and work etc, but I have spent as much time as I can with dad. I pulled my daughter out of school for 6 weeks last year and put her in another school (she is 9yrs old), I may have to think about this again and soon.

Thank you again for sharing your thoughts with me and your message has brought the time issue home to me. I speak to dad every day on the phone but as you know it's not enough and I'm just not coping.

I told someone yesterday I will survive but I will never fully recover.

Again thank you for your kind words and you to will survive, we have to, Lorraine xx

Thanks for messages/

Mumhad an MRI a week before she passed away and the night she went the oncologist told us that the swelling was due to peritintious and not ascites. I think this was due to her liver failing. I'm upset that he  didn't tell us before because we may have beenable to deal with it.

I have kept myself busy, making all the callls that need  to be made on dads behalf. I'm lucky that i'm only 10 mins up the road. can't imagine that added stress of your parents living 2 hours away.

Mums funeral is next Thursday and we have arranged a green burial in a woodland, which Mum would have loved. She also has her glorious horse and carriage. I'm scared about how I'm going to cope when that day is over but I have a big family, so we can support each other.

Lots of love to those who are suffering the pain that cancer brings xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dear Emma

Your mums funeral sounds like it's going to be beautiful and a fitting tribute to her.  You are scared but you are already coping without knowing, your looking after your dad and your family, it is a very brave thing you are doing and everyday is a battle to cope, I know.

I did not realise that there was a difference either between peritinitious and ascites, I more or less thought it was all the same, I will look into that, so thank you.

My dad is having the fluid drained on Monday morning.  They wanted to do it today but my dad has been having injections to thin his blood to stop blood clots, so he has to wait till Monday, I hope he will be okay till then.  He said the fluid and the pressure is all round his sides now as well as his abdomen.  It's just awful.

I will be thinking of you next Thursday, you will have the strength to get through it, you have made it this far with your mum and I know it will have been an emotional journey for you, we must carry on.

Love to you all, Lorraine xxx

Dear Lorraine

I know how stressed and anxious you must be feeling. Please consider seeing your GP. Mine gave me Citalopram to help and signed me off sick to look after Mum. I said I'd rather have the time off  with her than afterwards as leaving her to go to work just made me worse (she was living with us).

I know it may not be a viable option for you but it may help if you would rather be there. Talk to the school, could you take your daughter to see your parents for a week? Using some holiday is also an option or you may be able to take 'special leave'. Speak to your manager or HR dept, explain it's a family crisis and your Mum needs help. You may have a good friend who'd love to help and she care for your daughter for a few days?

Hope you don't mind me suggesting these things but work and friends often say,"if only you'd asked"..

Please take care, my thoughts are with you.

Debra xxxx