How to deal with the uncertainty

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Hello. My lovely husband was diagnosed with stage 3 pancreatic cancer in February at the age of 53. We have two children aged 11 and 6. He had such great plans for this year but now our plans mostly revolve around hospital visits but also spending time with family and friends, and trying to figure out what my husband wants to eat. Unfortunately, my lovely dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer in April and is having palliative chemo, so that's just added another devastating blow to our lives. 

My brain is mush. I can't string thoughts together and i wonder how i've managed to keep the family going as i just can't remember anything much at all! Grimacing

My main issue is dealing with an uncertain future. How do i plan things? How do i deal with not knowing what things will be this time next year? How can i create routine when life is so up in the air? How do i create structure in my day now i've been signed off work? I genuinely don't know what day it is several times per week. I am speaking to a counsellor but we cover more emotional topics rather than the above. 

Any help/tips/advice would be appreciated, thank you,

Amelia x


    Hi Amelia and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.

    I'm sorry to read that your husband has been diagnosed with cancer and I know how a cancer diagnosis can change everything for both the patient and their family.

    As you know, the online community is divided into different support forums so you might also like to join the carers only forum as you'll then connect directly with others who have a loved one living with cancer.

    To join, just click on the link I've created and, once you've joined, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.

    It would be great if you could put something about your husband's diagnosis and treatment into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.

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  • Hi Amelia. I am sorry to hear this. My partner was diagnosed 4 weeks ago and we are waiting for a date for treatment to start. I am working full time and also a mother and I totally understand how surreal and terrifying everything feels. I feel a bit like I’ve gone into robot mode and joined these forums so that I could share what I am masking with everybody else. Here to chat if needed, and sending a big hug x

  • Hi Amelia. I think you need to be gentle on yourself but try to keep to a normal routine as you can. We've found this helps also overthinking is something we've had to try and stop as that messes with your head big style.. Be honest with your kids we have Grandaughters 8 and 4 . Overall its a awful situation we are in but moving forward  does help. Someday I don't know what my name is I find watching TV difficult as I can't concentrate so how your feeling whilst pants recognise it for what it is an awful thing that is happening to you all and some days are better than others. Try and have some time for yourself and talk to someone you can trust. Hope this helps