Lost mother to PC

Hello, new to this group and struggling to cope. My fit and healthy 75 mother starter to lose weight and suffer heartburn during May, by the last week of May she couldn’t eat or keep water down. On the 1st June we were told the devastating news that she has PC and it was aggressive. She was admitted to hospital that day and after a week was moved to a hospice. We lost my beautiful mam on 18th June. I just can’t believe how quickly she deteriorated and that she has gone. We had no symptoms/signs until it was too late to do anything. Has anyone else gone through this with a loved one? I can’t think straight at the moment and am struggling to even do simple things like cook meals for my kids or do the housework.

My mam had breast cancer 22 years ago and had a mastectomy/chemo/radio and had been fine. I keep thinking could this have anything to do with what has just happened? 

thanks x

  • Hi TheTaylorSix welcome to the forum. I am so very sorry to hear what has happened for you and your family.

    I can relate totally to what has happened as I lost my dad  to Pancreatic Cancer in the same short timeframe and with the same level of advancement of the disease  before it was found. As far as I am aware Pancreatic Cancer is one that is very hard to detect and by the time they do it is usually at  an advanced stage by the time it is found. 

    I'm not surprised that you cant think straight, we got 5 weeks from diagnosis to his death with my dad and I often still, 3 years down the line cant quite believe that it is real and actually happened, but sadly it did so I can totally feel your pain. 


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  • Thank you for your quick reply. I’ve not really heard of anyone else who have suffered from it but the doctor (and Google) have both said it doesn’t present many symptoms until it’s too late. 
    I’m so sorry you lost your dad under similar circumstances - I lost my dad suddenly (aneurysm) four years ago and I think I still haven’t really felt like I’ve got over that then this has happened :-( I’m only 38 and have lost both my parents.

    I just hope they are together now. 
    thanks again, Amy x

  • Hi,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I lost my Dad to PC in early April and I noticed that you are 38, the same age as myself, so I felt that I wanted to reply.

    My Dad was diagnosed back in 2020, had the whipple procedure and then 6 months of chemo just to ‘mop up’ any remaining bits. Unfortunately his follow up scan showed that the cancer had spread so it was classed as treatable but incurable. This was obviously absolutely devastating for us as a family.

    There is nothing anyone can say to make things better for you but know that there are plenty of people here for you. X

  • Hello, thank you so much for replying. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad, must have been so awful for you all when you found out it had spread after all the treatment. Sending hugs your way. 
    I think I’m having to try and take comfort from the fact my mam didn’t suffer for long, she must have had the cancer for quite some time before we knew. It’s just not fair to lose a parent so young! 
    I really appreciate your message, thank you x

  • Hi there,

    Can I jump on and ask how your Dad was physically and what his symptoms were after the recurrence, before he passed away? How did you know that he was approaching the end of life, if I may ask?

    We are in a similar situation and feel rather in limbo....thank you

  • You're welcome. I understand how hard it is and to lose someone when they are still young is just so unfair. Try to take one day at a time and don't put any pressure on yourself. Grief takes time and there are no rules on how to grieve, it's different for everyone. Just keep talking to people and ask for help whenever you need it. X

  • Hi, so it was different for my Dad because he had become increasingly tired to the point where he was sleeping most of the day, however, he was still mobile and able to get around. He actually passed away from a pulmonary embolism which was caused by the cancer, but in our eyes he wasn't yet at the end of life stage. He definitely had declined and we were hearing less and less from him in terms of text messages and video calls so I don't think it would have been very long that he had left but he definitely wasnt at the typical 'end of life' stage that is often spoken about.

    How are things with your Dad at the moment? What symptoms is he experiencing? I hope you are coping as well as can be expected. X

  • Hi he is weak and has issues with his mobility now, but plods on as best he can. He's on a downhill slope sadly, so it is a matter of time. Theyv'e recently upped his morphine as he has leg pain. Hopefully he'll have a little longer to enjoy things before he's unable.


  • Hi, sorry to hear your news. I have a very similar story to you, my Mum was diagnosed 31st May and we lost her 24th June. The speed of it all is just unbelievable. She did have symptoms for a few months prior, but they weren’t taken seriously by GP’s. 

    I can’t really help you in any way, other than to let you know, you aren’t alone in your experience xxx