My Dad

Hi Cathie

what a difficult time this is for you all and whilst your dads physical health is at the forefront of everyones thoughts it is often the mental stress that can be just as difficult to deal with

during my course of treatment my appetite and taste buds were a major concern but with perseverance and experimentation we discovered that mild curries and cream cakes kept me going [ not to be eaten together]. there were grumpy times but we , my partner and I , discovered reserves of strength we didn't know we had. we had tremendous support from the oncology team    

thinking of you

kevin

Thank you Kevin, Dad had always been so strict with his diet to the extreme which means that although he is now on insulin which means he can eat what he wants (sensibly - not a bag of doughnuts of course) he is still reluctant to try anything. He does like curry so that's certainly something I will suggest, maybe as a family takeaway. As I said it's also difficult because Mum is not cooking proper meals. My sister and I have been taking the odd meal but it's so difficult to find a balance between making sure dad has a proper meal and enabling mum to not try. Mum has also muddled dad's meds up a couple of times but if we try to do something like write out a proper timetable and list of which ones he needs when, she is still making mistakes and gets really annoyed that we are not 'trusting her'.  Thank you for your suggestions. X

Hi Cathie

I can understand that even though your dad has reached a fabulous age that you are sorry he is so ill.

Many people worry when the person who they are caring for doesn’t want to eat. As Kevin has mentioned the appetite changes with PC. Adjustments can be made as Kevin says.

It is very common in advanced PC that a person will eat less and less. I got extremely stressed when my husband didn’t want to eat and all it did was stress him more. Your dad doesn’t need to eat proper meals. Ask him what he would like. Sometimes a full plate can be off putting so a small helping of something he fancies might help.

I am hoping that Needing Friends who sometimes posts here will join in as she has wise words.

Just go with the flow.

Squeaky

Thank you Squeaky, I'll talk to my family about your suggestions. I suppose what's been pushing us is that part of the advice the wonderful doctors at Treliske gave him before he came home was to build his strength up. He seems to be enjoying what we are making for him and you are right about not giving him too much at a time. It's so hard when you are told 'months' because that could mean two or twenty two. We are all so frightened and don't know what to expect regarding how the cancer will physically affect him. I would really like to ask Macmillan for help just to answer those questions but until dad is ready to know we can't. Thank you so much for your kindness. 

Hi there, it's a tough time for you all. I can understand everyone's point of view and also your worries. Squeaky has been a godsend to me in our journey with the lack of appetite. Just try to temp your lovely dad, maybe supplements wiil be on offer if the doctors say its OK.  My partner was told he was borderline diabetic before he started turning yellow. What I discovered was that if they don't want to eat, despite all our efforts they won't.  The disease has a mind of its own. But keep trying, take all advice and keep a positive attitude. We can only do our best, enjoy your lovely dad. Keep posting and if we can help we will xx

Thank you, I'm so glad I've joined this forum, everyone's support is going to make such a difference as things progress. I already feel calmer. I just want to make happy memories with my dad for whatever time we have left. X

Hi Cathie.... sorry to hear about your dad's diagnosis.  I get what you're saying that is your dad it doesn't matter how old he is.  I totally understand how you are feeling. My husband is 59  and was diagnosed in November with stage 3 pancreatic cancer and last week we were told it was stage 4 and spread to his lungs.  All I can say is that although hard we have been finding strength from somewhere.  My husband doesn't eat much and has lost so much weight.  I held his hand today and it was so thin.  It's hard to watch his decline.  He eats very little but I make sure he has 1 or 2 fortisip milk build up drinks and I have bought him some ground flax seeds to add to porridge and cereal which are high in protein and vitamins.  Just a tablespoon added to foods.

I am thinking of you and your family and sending a big hug.

Carli x

Thank you Carli, I'm so sorry for what you and your husband are going through too. My dad was always so big and strong and is the one we all went to when we were worried or needed help, to see him lying in hospital looking so skeletal and yellow was heartbreaking. Can you tell me where you found the milk drinks please? X

Hi ..the fortisip drinks were prescribed by the dietician when my husband was in hospital and now on repeat prescription. Your GP can prescribe for your dad. They come in different flavours and there is a juice variety instead of milk but my husband didn't like the juices.

Wishing you all the best through this. You're not alone as you will see many others on this forum have been through or are going through similar experiences.

Take care...big hugs 

Carli x

Hi Cathie

You might find it helpful to have a word with the nurses on the Pancreatic Cancer UK helpline. If you are not familiar with the website just google it.

Needing Friends describes PC brilliantly when she says it has a mind of its own. It progresses in different ways with different people so, as I say, just take one day at a time. And as Carli says somehow we along find strength.

Please keep posting here and we can try to support each other. Kevin has lots of experience to help us all.

Squeaky