How do you know what the right thing to do is?

Hello Beacat

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

Chemo for pancreatic cancer is quite a harsh regime and your Mum has done well and you and your Dad as well in supporting her.

I think the conclusion I came to when supporting my husband is that the most important person is the one with cancer and we need to be guided by their wishes. You say that you are scared your Mum is ‘finally giving up’. I’m not sure what you mean by this but it may be that she is finding the treatment difficult. It’s difficult but it’s best to be guided by her.

I am sure you will be with her at the right time. You will know when that is.

in the meantime just try to take one day at a time and make the best of your time with your Mum.

Squeaky

Thankyou Squeaky for responding .

another month along and things are harder , but still trying to make sure mum can stay at home. Even though her mind wanders and she is often sedated I know she would be distressed by a move to the hospice.My father is not young and has a bad back and mum cannot support herself So even the most basic functions are becoming almost impossible. is the a hoist or something that might help move her so we can make her comfortable. We are looking into professional help daily but you can’t always predict what help might be needed and when. Any ideas that might enable us to keep her at home till the end or very least as long as possible. 

I'm sorry to read that things are getting harder to have your mum stay at home and you looking at ways to make your mum more comfortable

Obviously a hoist would be an asset in moving your mum around but unfortunately it is not as easy as it looks to operate one and everyone would need training on how to use it and move your mum around safely. This should give you a better idea.

NHS guide - How to move someone at home

Getting help

What is a needs assessment

Your mum should have a needs assessment

Needs assessment  - patient

You should have a  Carers assessment 

Both of the above are carried out by your council's Adult Social Team and can be done at the same time or independently.

At the assessment you have with your mum and dad with yourself have the opportunity to ask what equipment your local council are able to supply and any adaptations that are needed to their home, the notes above do make reference to hoists being supplied so I would ask if one could be made available.

There are various ways of obtaining the free needs assessment.

You could ask your GP to do a referral.

You could contact your local council yourself and ask to speak to Adult Social Care Team and get your mum and dad on their radar

CONTACTING YOUR  LOCAL COUNCIL 

In England and Wales, Find my council

In Scotland, Info Scotland  Find my Council

In Northern Ireland,Find my social care 

You are correct you cannot predict the level of care that your mum will need and when and this why you should have the needs assessments as soon as possible.

I hope the above has been of help, if I can be of further assistance I can be found in the Carers only forum group every day, (I would suggest that you join the Carers only forum group by clicking on the above group as this group is solely for carers), just give me a shout out by typing 

@The BODACH  into your message and when you see a blue highlighted box 

As above, click on this blue box and continue with your message and I will receive an alert and get back to you.

Please keep in touch letting us know how things are going with everyone

Ian

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