My lovely wife Anne is now in her own private room at the brilliant Ealing Hospital. She awaits a transfer to Meadow House Hospice just behind the hospital when there is a vacancy. This hospice cannot be beaten, not only for patients, but a relative who wishes to stay 24/7 alongside their dying love ones. Anne rests a lot with her eyes closed these days and has become slow talking - but can take in everything visiting family talks about. She also sleeps a lot but we can never tell the difference! Today I was telling my daughter about my favourite ready meals at homel. Anne opened her eyes and said to my daughter. He won't be eating them. When I said. Then what will I have my darling? Anne replied. You'll be drinking your beer. Then closed her eyes again. My daughter, Annes brother and his wife and I burst out laughing and Anne gave a small smile. ANNE'S A FIGHTER. Even the doctor told her this today because the antibiotics she's been given through a cannula are working on her associated heart problem, even though my poor love is only expected to have days left. Today Anne layed emphasise on telling me she loved me before I left, after a lingering kiss. Anne's never been a 'mushy' romantic type of lady. So it took me by surprise. Of course this soft lad left with a few tears rolling down his cheeks. I wish I could control this ! My daughter is staying the night with her Mum, which is a comfort. Our home is a dead place without my Queen Anne who will never return. There's no life in it. I'm dreading the future.
Hi Squeeky and EVERY ONE 
I spent the night with my Anne. My lovely daughter Sarah and I are taking it in shifts so Anne has a member of her family with her 24/7. My caring son Matt visits daily. We have to sleep on the floor next to Anne's bed in sleeping bags and a mattress provided by those wonderful nurses. Annes private room - unlike the hospice - was never designed for visiting over night stays, but the fact that Ealing Hospital allowes it is a testimony to their humanitarian approach to folk in our position. Further words fail me. When Anne is awake she is so appreciative of all the staff who help her. From the cleaning staff along a long list to the doctors and Consultant. She does this with a smile and total courtesy, and we get the impression they are so touched by her consideration. Our family of course show the same love which we hope boosts staff moral even further. They all have such a difficult job but they do it as Angels on Earth. Anne made us laugh this morning. Typical Queen Anne humour. When the nurse came in first thing this morning she asked Anne if she had a good night. Anne said with a dead pan face. " Not bad. Apart from him ( me) snoring and farting in the night." The nurse and I were in stitches. " Only then did Anne give us both one of her sweet smiles. Staff have said to me Anne has defied all predictions of her doctors and Consultant. They said she's a fighter. I told our Anne this morning yet the love of my life said "I don't want to be a fighter. I'm fed up with all this and just want to die." Her bravery and strength of mind devastated me and this silly old man started weeping again. Anne doesnt like this and I got told off. LOL. All Anne talks about when she is awake are family needs. She worries about us all but has never once felt pity for herself. I realise now I've been honoured to have been married to "An old soul." And that makes me very humble and guilty that during our early years of marriage, when arguments erupt, I was the idiot and Anne was the wise old sage. Finally I left and my Queen Anne and myself kissed on the lips and both said we loved each other. Anne blew me a kiss as I left her room and I'll never know if this will be our last communication. I'm NOT ashamed to say but as I write this testimony to my little darling the bloody tears have started to flow again. I wish I could control this.
Much love to all. Geoff
Thank you so much Squeaky for your kind words and understanding. A full understanding that I may never know.
Sarah my daughter phoned me today after I'd finished my night shift with my little darling and was at home. Anne has told Sarah and the nurses to withhold any further medication.Anne simply wants to die: although knowing what I know - not die - pass over to the next dimension. But enough of that! Anne seems to have a greater report with Sarah at this sad and delicate time than with me, and I can comprehend that. I told Sarah. Its part of the ' Sisterhood.' A place where women intuitively know each other and provide the comfort, needs, and understanding they want. A place men can have no conception of. Thank goodness my Sarah is so strong and empathic to take over in this respect. Being a man - and weirdly different - I've just bagged up many unopened boxes of Annes Creon medication to return to our friendly Pharmacist tomorrow before going back to be with my Queen Anne. This in the hope that medication my Anne no longer needs can be given to those who at this time really require it. Goodness - I hope its not just binned under some health and safety ruling!
Bless you all.Geoff x
Hi Squeaky 
Just a thought. Nothing else my friend. Have you ever - or are you a Counsellor?
Geoff
