Hello everyone. I hope you all don't mind but I just need to vent my feelings tonight. I just need to tell our story and get some understanding of this vile cancer which robs you of a loved one so quickly.
At Easter whilst my husband and I were in Tenerife, he complained of pain in his leg and thought he had pulled a muscle. It continued over the weekend and I told him to go to the doctor on the Monday. He was diagnosed with a DVT. He was given blood thinning injections and we were allowed to return home on the 8th May on the understanding he saw his GP immediately. We saw the GP the day after our return and he had some bloods taken. These showed a problem with his liver function. He was sent to our local hospital for an ultrasound and he was then referred to another local hospital for a CT scan. After a long wait, he was told at the end of the day that there were lesions on his liver. He returned for biopsies three days later and within a week we were sitting in front of the Oncologist who informed him he had pancreatic cancer which had spread to his liver and that there was nothing that could be done but offer a course of chemotherapy to hopefully buy him some time. That was two weeks ago yesterday. He was due to have a PICC line done on Monday and start chemo yesterday.
Gradually it has become more and more difficult to get him to eat and drink. On Sunday I found it difficult to raise him and we called the out of hours doctor to him. By Monday this week he was terribly ill and we took him to the Oncology department who assessed him and he was admitted to the AMU where he was put on a drip, had bloods taken again. We were told he had an infection, his liver function was not good and that his calcium levels were very high. Eventually the infection was shown to be pneumonia.
Lastnight he was moved from AMU to the Respiratory ward. Today we have been told that Oncology have now decided not to give him any chemo. To be honest, he would not be strong enough. We have been told that his pneumonia will be treated with antibiotics and that the Palliative Care Team will now be sorting out his End of Life care for when he is discharged. For the first time today we discussed DNR. Because of his illness he is confused and it has been so difficult making him understand. The man lying in that bed today is not my husband. This horrible disease has stolen him from me before I was ready to let him go.
Because everything has happened at breakneck speed I am not ready. His children, their partners, his grandchildren are not ready and now we are facing his loss.
Please excuse my letting it all out, but I just need to speak to people out there who know what I am suffering and to know I am not alone. I have my children and they are wonderful but they are suffering too and I don't want to burden them any more.
Thank you.
