Mum is dying

Dear Cazzieisbroken,

I went through a period like you are having last year with my husband. I was so exhausted, I let my health go and  did not eat properly and suddenly I had lymphomas, as my husband was in the last days of his life. it  was a hard time. Every nerve felt raw.  I have a few suggestions that looking back I should have done more.

First thing, take care of yourself try to find three good things a day- look for them (read that discussion, pretty awesome).

Second make her/your favorite foods, she needs to eat and so do you. Food and liquids make you both feel better.

Third; if you can go out with her into the sun- that is good, if not how about favorite movies at home?

Four: can you do any of the things you had planned? Even a part of it? If yes do it now. Cherish every day you have and enjoy your time together.

Sometimes,, I would just lay down by George in bed and we would hold hands and talk, it's surprising what you find out. We would watch old Monty Python skits like "this bird is dead" and we would laugh. Laughing is healing mentally and and physically. And remember to eat- special little cakes -anything that makes her and you enjoy the moment.

You are not alone you have us and your local community. Don't be afraid to ask friends, family and neighbors to come by (especially with food, kindness,  joy or to give yourself some time off.

Be gentle with yourself.

Hello Cazzie

I am sorry you find yourself here. MCLkid has given lots of advice.

A couple of things to add. Somewhere in all this you will find the strength to carry on. I don’t know where it comes from but it does. Just live one day at a time.

Its good your Mum is not in pain. The effects of PC are very variable. You may find in due course that she is not so keen on food. Just let her eat what she wants. I used to stress about this when my husband didn’t eat. I see now it stressed him too.

Finally, the Pancreatic Cancer UK website is good.

Squeaky

Hi Cazzieisbroken,

So sorry to hear about your Dad and now your Mum being ill.

I'm lying awake tonight because today the oncologist said that my Mum's pancreatic cancer is terminal. I can relate to the fear of not knowing how long she has left and after spending the last few weeks visiting her in Australia, I'm about to fly back to England tomorrow which makes me feel I'm abandoning her, though I know her husband and my brother are still nearby to support her.

It's horrible imagining the future without Mum but we've both been trying to bring each other back to the present moment when it gets too much to bear, or the 'now' as Mum calls it and try to make the most of the time we have left. Many times though we've cried together over the last few weeks, particularly when a conversation raises something that she won't be around to see.

I've been seeing a therapist which has helped me and I've literally just signed up to this online forum as I've felt some comfort from reading the discussions.

My heart goes out to you and your Mum and thank you for your post as I don't feel like I'm the only one going through this at the moment.